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drsquidloveSomeone Like You
by Dr Squidlove
drsquidlove @@@ livejournal.com
Oz/Law & Order: SVU crossover
Tobias Beecher's trying to rebuild his family in the shadow of the man he was in prison. Elliot Stabler's struggling to continue in the wake of divorce while his job eats away at his soul. It makes for an odd friendship, but it works.
Rated R for violence and explicit references to sexual violence.
Wordcount this post: 3952
Full headers are on chapter 1.
Oz is the property of Tom Fontana and HBO. Law & Order: SVU is the property of Dick Wolf and NBC. The characters are used without permission, but with much appreciation.
Someone Like You
chapter 45: Relatives
by Dr Squidlove
Previously, in chapter 44, The chicken:
Olivia came over for dinner, and Toby burned the chicken, and made every effort to seem like an unstable asshole. Possibly not the best way to deal with his fear that Elliot would rely on her opinion.
Elliot displayed impressive patience to bring him around. In an unselfconscious moment, he kissed Toby, and everyone's surprise made him realise that was unusual. (Not really, when you think about their first kiss, but you know what I mean.) By the time Olivia went home, she was perfectly in favour of the relationship. Or maybe it was just the pie.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Toby rolled up his sleeves. He sealed up the leftover cream and started filling the sink while Elliot saw Olivia out. He could hear the mumble of their voices and he wondered if Olivia was asking Elliot what in the world had possessed him to take up with Toby. It didn't sound stealthy or sharp, so maybe dinner hadn't been a total disaster.
The front door closed and a few seconds later Elliot was tugging at his elbow.
"Just let me-"
"Fuck the dishes, Toby."
Toby reached for a handful of utensils but Elliot leaned around and caught his mouth, slow and persuasive, until Toby found himself with his back to the sink, hands on Elliot's waist. Elliot had his full attention.
"I'm sorry if I seemed distant tonight."
Toby leaned back. "You? I thought I was the one being a jerk."
"Yeah, kinda." At least he was honest. "But if you were being a jerk because I was being distant..."
Distant? Ah - that was why he'd kept touching Toby in the last half of the evening. Toby was glad he'd got past his mood, because he probably would have overreacted to that an hour ago. He played with Elliot's tie. "You think I was offended that we weren't making out in front of Olivia?"
"Well, no..." The squirm was cute.
"I don't know why you keep thinking I want you dancing in a pride parade." He bit his lip, watched Elliot's eyes drop. "Though if you ever want to pull on a pair of disco shorts and give me a private performance, I'd be okay with that." He wiggled his hips.
"Don't hold your breath." All macho and hetero, exactly the reaction Toby had been fishing for. It was sexy as hell.
Toby ran his hand down Elliot's tie, feeling that barrel of a chest. God, he'd missed it. "It was nice when you kissed me, but I wasn't waiting for it." It had taken Toby by surprise - how much it meant, as much as the kiss itself. That kiss, spontaneous and indifferent to the audience, told Toby Elliot wasn't going anywhere, wasn't even thinking of disappearing again. It had been the first moment in all these weeks that Toby trusted he was forgiven.
So right now Toby was happy enough that he didn't even mind Elliot's cop gaze, testing whether Toby was lying. Elliot relented, apparently believing him. "It was the chicken."
"It wasn't the chicken." What did it matter now, anyway? Except that Elliot wasn't going to let it go. "It was a little bit about the chicken."
"You thought she'd tell me to ditch you if you couldn't host a great dinner party."
"I think if she told me to ditch you, I'd be in trouble."
Elliot pulled his chin back. "This wasn't a test."
"All right." Why else would Elliot have wanted Olivia to meet him so soon, when he still wasn't sure what he wanted? Elliot's instincts had completely failed when he was getting to know Toby. "But did I pass?"
"Toby..."
"I get it. I can hardly blame you, can I?"
Strong hands squeezed Toby's elbows. "I'm here. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't sure."
"But you're not sure was a smart decision."
Elliot sighed, but Toby had noticed he couldn't outright deny it. "In spite of all your effort, she likes you."
Relief weakened Toby's knees. Now he was definitely going to have to keep her supplied with leftovers and baked goods.
Elliot slid a hand to cup the nape of Toby's neck. "She was here because you're both important to me, and it's past time you knew each other."
"I'm sorry I screwed up your birthday."
Elliot tugged Toby close, their bodies lined up toes to chests. "You didn't screw it up." Toby relaxed against him, letting his insecurities fade in Elliot's arms. Just happy to be back in these arms. Especially as they slid down, until hands were cupping his ass. "Anyway, the best part's still to come."
Toby closed his eyes. "Can I ask one favour?"
"You can ask." God, that growl...
"Let's get the kitchen clean."
Elliot dropped his head on Toby's shoulder. "Really?"
Toby turned his face into Elliot's neck. He smelled good, and it was tempting to just say fuck the dishes, get on with his plans to get back everything he'd lost and make this birthday something special. But Holly was going to beat Toby home tomorrow, and while Toby wasn't going to make it a secret that Elliot had been here, he didn't want to shove it in her face. "Think of it as foreplay."
"I like the taking your clothes off kind of foreplay," Elliot grumped, but he tucked in his tie, rolled up his sleeves and opened the dishwasher.
Toby watched him between scrubbing at pots. Rolling up his sleeves was a nice start. Elliot had great arms, smooth and strong, always a sure grip. And with that Marine tattoo there'd never been any doubt whose arms Toby was looking at.
Elliot rearranged the tumblers in the top rack, and Toby reminded himself to get a couple of wine glasses. His pre-Oz self would have been flabbergasted at anything less than a full cabinet with a range of red, white and dessert wine glasses, champagne flutes, whiskey tumblers, port sippers, martini glasses, shot glasses... A couple of stem glasses would be fine.
Elliot kept brushing by Toby like the kitchen was only a couple of feet wide, close enough for Toby to feel him smiling. Toby kept his poker face on, steadily rinsing and passing clean pots and utensils onto the drying rack. Elliot was almost irresistible when he was this confident and lusty, but Toby was going to hold out until the kitchen was done.
It helped that he was inexplicably nervous. Maybe not inexplicably. It had been so long, and the last time they had sex, Elliot had no reason to imagine Toby wearing a dress, or whoring himself through the shit-holes of Manhattan.
A hand on his hip and Elliot leaned around him, reaching for a cloth. "I'll just wipe down those counters." Warm breath left Toby's neck cool, and the imprint of cock against his butt left the rest of him warm. He washed faster.
The dishwasher was packed, the counters wiped, and Toby was up to his elbows in suds, just the last couple of dishes go to. Elliot pressed up behind him, rested his hands on his waist. "Why don't you leave them to soak?"
"I'll just be a few more minutes."
Elliot wiggled until his cock was wedged along the crack of Toby's ass, broad chest pressed across Toby's back, and Toby's hands stilled. "How many more?"
He couldn't help leaning back. "Five? Depending on how much you distract me."
Fingers played with Toby's belt, teasing towards opening it. "You don't mind if I start without you?"
Toby squeezed the scourer. "Elliot..." His ass ached to be filled by Elliot, right here, just like this. Braced against the sink, Elliot's lips against Toby's ear whispering sweet things as he pushed his cock carefully inside, working it deep.
"I want to unwrap my present."
Toby's belt was slowly unthreaded as he scrubbed determinedly at a burnt edge.
"You know how many weeks it's been since we had sex?"
"Ten." Ten long, long weeks.
Torturously slowly Elliot unzipped him, and then rested a hand low on his stomach. "You are reasonably sure Holly's not going to come stumbling through the door, right?"
"Reasonably." Her new subway rights didn't extend to the late night service.
"Good enough." At last, Elliot slipped his hand inside and cupped Toby's cock through his boxers, feeling the shape of it, and Toby tipped his head back on Elliot's shoulder. The familiar smell of him, those gentle fingers, were devastating. A man stroking your cock was completely different when you knew how to make him laugh, what kind of day he'd had at work. When he'd seen the miserable worst of you and he'd forgiven it.
A tea towel was dropped on his face, and Toby snatched it off to wipe his hands. Fuck the dishes.
Elliot slid his other hand under Toby's shirt, rubbing circles on his stomach, and Toby wrapped his own hands around Elliot's wrists, following them up to the rolled sleeves, feeling the muscles flex as Elliot's fingers tightened, so good on Toby's cock. Beautiful arms. "I've missed you, Elliot."
"Missed you." Lips on Toby's neck, finding all the weak places, making Toby shiver and whimper as light fingers danced along his cock. "I've missed this. Do you know what I've been thinking about? I've been thinking about blowing you. Want to get to know you with my mouth, until I know every secret button you have." He gave a little twist with his hand, to show he was already learning, made Toby gasp. "Come on."
And then that hand was gone, wrapping around Toby's hand instead and tugging him towards the bedroom. God yes, Toby wanted to feel Elliot's wet mouth on him, watch his cock slide over those lips and know Elliot wouldn't do it for anyone else, but it seemed like it ought to be Toby on his knees tonight. Giving thanks, making amends.
Elliot flipped the switch and flooded the room with light before attacking Toby's shirt. In minutes they were naked and tangled together, and this time Elliot didn't just want to cuddle. He was fisting Toby's cock with a newfound confidence, smiling at all Toby's little moans and groans, kissing trails over Toby's chest and working his way down.
"Want to make you feel good." He looked up with dark, hungry eyes as he ran his wet tongue over Toby's stomach.
"Keep doing that." Just watching Elliot down there on his knees, Toby's cock bobbing in his face, was making Toby's balls ache. It should have been Toby down there doing this to Elliot, but he was too greedy to resist. Elliot had always seemed awkward when he did this before, working up the courage, but now he was eager, examining it like he wanted to start everywhere at once, looking up to meet Toby's eyes as he circled his tongue around the head and tested his slit, making Toby gasp.
"I know that secret button." He played there a while, making Toby writhe, and then kept going, lips and tongue and fingers everywhere, testing how deep he could take him and backing off to mouth Toby's balls, pressing Toby's twitching thighs wider. Like he'd been thinking very hard about blowing Toby, and couldn't wait to put his imagination to use.
Toby pushed his fingers through Elliot's buzz cut, struggling to keep his eyes open to watch the show. Which was how he saw Elliot pause to suck a finger before taking the head in his mouth, saw him reaching through before he felt him at his asshole, a gentle touch shoving him right to the edge. "Jesus, El, I thought..."
"World of difference between a gentle finger and a jamming a whole cock in there."
And it was gentle but Toby's ass gobbled it right in, and Elliot's mouth did magical things, and Toby's balls pulled up as he came, groaning an incoherent warning too late but Elliot held on, swallowing pulse after pulse until it got too much and he pulled back, the last of it spilling across his lips and chin. He looked bemused as he worked his mouth to swallow the last of Toby's come. He'd never looked so sexy.
"That was incredible." Toby tightened his grip in Elliot's hair and pulled him up and licked his chin clean, wiped his tongue over those swollen lips and inside, where Elliot tasted like Toby's cock. "What else have you been imagining?"
"Surprise me."
That finger in his ass had been surprising. It had set a little flame of hope going. Elliot didn't know how to untangle a little butt play from trauma? Toby could teach him that. "I want to slide down and lick your ass. You ever been rimmed?"
Elliot's eyes got round, and then darted away. "A... a little."
Toby wondered if it was the ass-talk making him shy, or that Toby was asking if his wife had rimmed him. With Toby, questions like that were general: did you ever do that with someone? With Elliot they were specific: Did your ex-wife Kathy ever stick her pretty pink tongue in your ass? It felt like an invasion of Kathy's privacy.
But it felt strangely good, too: in Franco's, you didn't care enough to ask those questions at all. Toby kissed his lips. "I want to do it a lot. I want to work you open until I can press my long, long tongue all the way in. Will you let me?"
"I..." Elliot was doing that squirming thing that Toby found so sexy. If Toby waited for a yes, Elliot might never come.
"Roll on your stomach." Toby guided him over a pillow and spread his knees wide, crawling between to run his hands up those solid thighs to the miraculously tight ass. Elliot's whole body was stiff as a board, like he was standing over a hundred foot drop. Toby gave one ripe cheek a gentle bite and Elliot gasped and huffed a laugh, and then Toby ran his tongue up the middle and Elliot let out an unmanly whine. Toby spread him wide open, devoured the promised land with his eyes until he realised Elliot was tensing up even more. He dipped in and licked him, a slow rub with the flat of his tongue that drove the air out of Elliot, and then patterns with the pointed tip that drew it back in. "That feel good, El?" Of course it did. Over and over, and Elliot couldn't answer through all the desperate needy sounds.
Now Toby had a plan. He was going to teach Elliot to love having his ass tongued until the day he begged for a couple of fingers, and then he'd show him how good that could be until he wanted more. Toby didn't want to learn to live without fucking and being fucked, but he was patient. He wanted to draw Elliot in, the slower the better, savour every incremental advance until Elliot was on his shoulders and knees, ass in the air, shameless for a reaming. Toby hoped it took months to get there.
Toby stroked his trembling thighs and nibbled his butt and licked that knot until it was loose, until Elliot was grinding his cock against the sheets, and then he pressed him forward, up onto his knees to get a better angle and deny him the friction of the pillow, and he took a deep breath and pushed his tongue deep. Elliot's moan echoed around the room loud enough to startle the neighbours, his hands fisting in the pillows. Toby made a quiet note not to ever, ever do this when Holly was sleeping next door.
Toby crammed his face between those firm cheeks, opened his mouth wide and sucked, holding steady as Elliot bucked. And then he did with his tongue what Elliot wouldn't let him do with his cock, fucking this beautiful ass, making him writhe and moan and gasp Toby's name, thrusting inside and filling him up until Elliot froze, his whole body seized mid-breath, ass twitching, and then a long, soft groan.
Toby wiped his mouth and flopped on the bed. Elliot didn't move except for panting, a good few minutes before he even turned his head to look at Toby, eyes wide. "You didn't even touch my cock."
Toby didn't bother to hide his smugness.
"Hell." Elliot shifted, moving like some heavy beast of the plains, shoved the soggy pillow off the bed and curled up beside him, head on his shoulder, one leg slipped between Toby's. Still breathing hard. They were sticky and sweaty, but Toby just reached to pull the blanket over them. He could have gone again, but this was enough.
Elliot pressed a kiss to his chest, and Toby rubbed his neck.
A quick breath in, and quietly Elliot said, "When we split, part of me was relieved. I thought I could go back to women. Thank god I didn't have to deal with wanting a guy anymore, you know?"
"Yeah. I know." Toby remembered that same feeling when his cock stirred for his beautiful female lawyer. Because then Chris, real as their love had been, was just a prison aberration, and if Katherine got him out of Oz he wouldn't have being gay piled on top of being an ex-con and the abundance of psychological issues. And yet, here he was, buried under a pile of Elliot.
"But I couldn't. When I was jerking off, I was still thinking about your cock. Your hard body, your firm chest..." His hand wandered to demonstrate.
"So now you're worried you might be gay?"
Elliot snorted, a warm puff against his chest.
Toby stroked his hair. "In prison everyone fits in a box. The Aryans, the Muslims, the homeboys, the Italians, the bikers, the gays... I never fit. The Aryans owned me, but I wasn't one of them. Everyone knew about Chris and me but we were never counted with the gays. I studied and prayed with a Muslim, but a white guy couldn't join them. You live and die by your labels in there, and the only one I had was 'prag'."
"So you don't buy into them now."
"I've given up trying to figure it out. You want what you want. Women still turn me on. Not as much as you do, but I haven't fallen off the far end of the Kinsey scale."
"I like that it doesn't matter to you."
If Toby was giving Elliot the impression that rewriting huge pieces of his identity had been easy, he was explaining it wrong. Falling in love with Chris had been terrifying. He nudged Elliot off and wiggled around until they were facing each other, sharing the pillow. "When I told my parents I had a lover inside, we were sitting with an FBI agent trying to figure out who had kidnapped two of my children. It's... all relative."
Elliot touched Toby's face, comforting him. "How did they take it?"
That was one of the moments frozen perfectly in Toby's memory: their open-mouthed stares, even Taylor knocked off his game. "They were shocked. But their grandchildren were missing, their son was in prison, so in the scheme of things..."
"I've seen enough parents who would have let that drown the rest. Your parents sound like good people."
"You have no idea." The lengths his dad had gone to for Chris, just because Toby asked, still took his breath away sometimes. It was a shame he'd never meet Elliot; they were both truth and justice kind of men, and his dad would have thought a lot of Elliot. It was a shame his mother had waited so long. "I want you to meet my mother."
"Really?"
"Yeah." If Elliot was sure enough to have Olivia to dinner, it was time Mother was brought back into Toby's life. "She's always asking about you."
"She knows about me?" Elliot looked genuinely surprised.
"You're the only thing I have to talk about, other than Holly and Harry."
"I just thought... " He bit his lip. "It's a long time since I had to brace myself to meet Kathy's mother."
"There's the silver lining on my past. At least you don't have to worry about measuring up to my last partner."
"At least I don't have to tell her I knocked you up at seventeen." Elliot didn't match Toby's wry smile. "Did she ever meet Chris?"
"No." Thank god, she didn't, or Elliot would have taken some explaining. "Dad did. He was working on Chris's case until he was murdered."
Elliot stroked Toby's chest. "Is that why he was killed?"
"No, he was killed because of me. Like everyone else."
All sorts of things flashed through Elliot's eyes. "What happened?"
"Some kid stabbed him in order to earn his way in with the Aryans, a few days before I was paroled for the first time. They didn't let me go to the funeral."
And so Toby came home to a house in mourning, his mother a wreck, Holly reverting to her post-kidnap trauma, Harry crying for Jonah and Marta. If his father had still been alive, Toby would have talked to him about picking up Bonnie's drugs for Chris, and his father would never have let him go.
Elliot drew Toby's hand up between them, tangling their fingers. "I'd love to meet your mother."
Toby slid his ankle between Elliot's, and they lay there, noses inches apart, enjoying the quiet. A month ago, Toby thought he'd burned the bridge. Now they were lying here, naked, Toby had somehow scored a passing grade with Olivia, and Elliot was willing to meet Toby's mother.
Mother was going to be embarrassingly happy about it. "I've got dinner planned with her next week."
The corner of Elliot's lip quirked up. "Sure."
Oh. Wait. "There's one small hitch."
There went the smile, whooshed away with a full body clench. "Holly will be there."
Toby and Holly were back to their old inseparable selves, but Toby's suggestion that Elliot come to dinner had been met with a snarl. "I'm working on her, but-"
"What can you tell her? That hitting you was excusable?" Elliot's face screwed up in disgust.
"Should I tell her that she got in the way of an all-out brawl? That I've done a hell of a lot more than punch other people?"
"Don't ever."
Toby propped himself up on an elbow. "Do you really think I wasn't ready to hit you back?"
Elliot flinched. What had he expected would have happened if Holly hadn't rushed in? That Toby would have just stood there and taken it like a bitch?
"She shouldn't ever know any of that." Elliot sat up, tucking the sheet around him. "Toby, you have to know that children exposed to violence are more likely to suffer violence throughout their lives. You don't want to let her out into the terrifying world of dating with an ambiguous message about how guys can treat her."
Toby sucked in a breath. If some teenage boy ever laid a hand on Holly...
Elliot's hand covered Toby's clenched fist. "Believe me, I know." Toby looked up and saw the smoulder reflected in Elliot's eyes. Of course he did. Pity the soul who hurt any of the Stabler girls. "She's going to be on her own out there. All you can do is teach her to handle life as best she can."
"So, what? You're telling me I should cut you out of my life as some kind of life lesson for Holly?"
Elliot chewed on that for far longer that Toby was comfortable with, but finally he said, "Maybe you can't do it. I'm the one who owes her an apology."
"You really want to?"
"No. I just think maybe it's something I need to do."
And that was what got Toby in the gut about Elliot. He didn't want to do it to manipulate Toby, or even to make Toby happy. Elliot just wanted to do the right thing.
Toby tugged him back down and rolled over, pulling Elliot to curl up behind him. Elliot's chest to Toby's back, Elliot's knees tucked behind Toby's knees, a heavy arm wrapped over him. This was the message Toby wanted Holly to have about the men in her life.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
end chapter 45
Feedback conspires to debauch and corrupt the morals of society. Concrit thoroughly welcome, warm fuzzies treasured. Here or at drsquidlove @@@ livejournal.com
The complete works of Dr Squidlove can be found at http://members.iinet.net.au/~tentacles/squidfic.html
S.
by Dr Squidlove
drsquidlove @@@ livejournal.com
Oz/Law & Order: SVU crossover
Tobias Beecher's trying to rebuild his family in the shadow of the man he was in prison. Elliot Stabler's struggling to continue in the wake of divorce while his job eats away at his soul. It makes for an odd friendship, but it works.
Rated R for violence and explicit references to sexual violence.
Wordcount this post: 3952
Full headers are on chapter 1.
Oz is the property of Tom Fontana and HBO. Law & Order: SVU is the property of Dick Wolf and NBC. The characters are used without permission, but with much appreciation.
Someone Like You
chapter 45: Relatives
by Dr Squidlove
Previously, in chapter 44, The chicken:
Olivia came over for dinner, and Toby burned the chicken, and made every effort to seem like an unstable asshole. Possibly not the best way to deal with his fear that Elliot would rely on her opinion.
Elliot displayed impressive patience to bring him around. In an unselfconscious moment, he kissed Toby, and everyone's surprise made him realise that was unusual. (Not really, when you think about their first kiss, but you know what I mean.) By the time Olivia went home, she was perfectly in favour of the relationship. Or maybe it was just the pie.
Toby rolled up his sleeves. He sealed up the leftover cream and started filling the sink while Elliot saw Olivia out. He could hear the mumble of their voices and he wondered if Olivia was asking Elliot what in the world had possessed him to take up with Toby. It didn't sound stealthy or sharp, so maybe dinner hadn't been a total disaster.
The front door closed and a few seconds later Elliot was tugging at his elbow.
"Just let me-"
"Fuck the dishes, Toby."
Toby reached for a handful of utensils but Elliot leaned around and caught his mouth, slow and persuasive, until Toby found himself with his back to the sink, hands on Elliot's waist. Elliot had his full attention.
"I'm sorry if I seemed distant tonight."
Toby leaned back. "You? I thought I was the one being a jerk."
"Yeah, kinda." At least he was honest. "But if you were being a jerk because I was being distant..."
Distant? Ah - that was why he'd kept touching Toby in the last half of the evening. Toby was glad he'd got past his mood, because he probably would have overreacted to that an hour ago. He played with Elliot's tie. "You think I was offended that we weren't making out in front of Olivia?"
"Well, no..." The squirm was cute.
"I don't know why you keep thinking I want you dancing in a pride parade." He bit his lip, watched Elliot's eyes drop. "Though if you ever want to pull on a pair of disco shorts and give me a private performance, I'd be okay with that." He wiggled his hips.
"Don't hold your breath." All macho and hetero, exactly the reaction Toby had been fishing for. It was sexy as hell.
Toby ran his hand down Elliot's tie, feeling that barrel of a chest. God, he'd missed it. "It was nice when you kissed me, but I wasn't waiting for it." It had taken Toby by surprise - how much it meant, as much as the kiss itself. That kiss, spontaneous and indifferent to the audience, told Toby Elliot wasn't going anywhere, wasn't even thinking of disappearing again. It had been the first moment in all these weeks that Toby trusted he was forgiven.
So right now Toby was happy enough that he didn't even mind Elliot's cop gaze, testing whether Toby was lying. Elliot relented, apparently believing him. "It was the chicken."
"It wasn't the chicken." What did it matter now, anyway? Except that Elliot wasn't going to let it go. "It was a little bit about the chicken."
"You thought she'd tell me to ditch you if you couldn't host a great dinner party."
"I think if she told me to ditch you, I'd be in trouble."
Elliot pulled his chin back. "This wasn't a test."
"All right." Why else would Elliot have wanted Olivia to meet him so soon, when he still wasn't sure what he wanted? Elliot's instincts had completely failed when he was getting to know Toby. "But did I pass?"
"Toby..."
"I get it. I can hardly blame you, can I?"
Strong hands squeezed Toby's elbows. "I'm here. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't sure."
"But you're not sure was a smart decision."
Elliot sighed, but Toby had noticed he couldn't outright deny it. "In spite of all your effort, she likes you."
Relief weakened Toby's knees. Now he was definitely going to have to keep her supplied with leftovers and baked goods.
Elliot slid a hand to cup the nape of Toby's neck. "She was here because you're both important to me, and it's past time you knew each other."
"I'm sorry I screwed up your birthday."
Elliot tugged Toby close, their bodies lined up toes to chests. "You didn't screw it up." Toby relaxed against him, letting his insecurities fade in Elliot's arms. Just happy to be back in these arms. Especially as they slid down, until hands were cupping his ass. "Anyway, the best part's still to come."
Toby closed his eyes. "Can I ask one favour?"
"You can ask." God, that growl...
"Let's get the kitchen clean."
Elliot dropped his head on Toby's shoulder. "Really?"
Toby turned his face into Elliot's neck. He smelled good, and it was tempting to just say fuck the dishes, get on with his plans to get back everything he'd lost and make this birthday something special. But Holly was going to beat Toby home tomorrow, and while Toby wasn't going to make it a secret that Elliot had been here, he didn't want to shove it in her face. "Think of it as foreplay."
"I like the taking your clothes off kind of foreplay," Elliot grumped, but he tucked in his tie, rolled up his sleeves and opened the dishwasher.
Toby watched him between scrubbing at pots. Rolling up his sleeves was a nice start. Elliot had great arms, smooth and strong, always a sure grip. And with that Marine tattoo there'd never been any doubt whose arms Toby was looking at.
Elliot rearranged the tumblers in the top rack, and Toby reminded himself to get a couple of wine glasses. His pre-Oz self would have been flabbergasted at anything less than a full cabinet with a range of red, white and dessert wine glasses, champagne flutes, whiskey tumblers, port sippers, martini glasses, shot glasses... A couple of stem glasses would be fine.
Elliot kept brushing by Toby like the kitchen was only a couple of feet wide, close enough for Toby to feel him smiling. Toby kept his poker face on, steadily rinsing and passing clean pots and utensils onto the drying rack. Elliot was almost irresistible when he was this confident and lusty, but Toby was going to hold out until the kitchen was done.
It helped that he was inexplicably nervous. Maybe not inexplicably. It had been so long, and the last time they had sex, Elliot had no reason to imagine Toby wearing a dress, or whoring himself through the shit-holes of Manhattan.
A hand on his hip and Elliot leaned around him, reaching for a cloth. "I'll just wipe down those counters." Warm breath left Toby's neck cool, and the imprint of cock against his butt left the rest of him warm. He washed faster.
The dishwasher was packed, the counters wiped, and Toby was up to his elbows in suds, just the last couple of dishes go to. Elliot pressed up behind him, rested his hands on his waist. "Why don't you leave them to soak?"
"I'll just be a few more minutes."
Elliot wiggled until his cock was wedged along the crack of Toby's ass, broad chest pressed across Toby's back, and Toby's hands stilled. "How many more?"
He couldn't help leaning back. "Five? Depending on how much you distract me."
Fingers played with Toby's belt, teasing towards opening it. "You don't mind if I start without you?"
Toby squeezed the scourer. "Elliot..." His ass ached to be filled by Elliot, right here, just like this. Braced against the sink, Elliot's lips against Toby's ear whispering sweet things as he pushed his cock carefully inside, working it deep.
"I want to unwrap my present."
Toby's belt was slowly unthreaded as he scrubbed determinedly at a burnt edge.
"You know how many weeks it's been since we had sex?"
"Ten." Ten long, long weeks.
Torturously slowly Elliot unzipped him, and then rested a hand low on his stomach. "You are reasonably sure Holly's not going to come stumbling through the door, right?"
"Reasonably." Her new subway rights didn't extend to the late night service.
"Good enough." At last, Elliot slipped his hand inside and cupped Toby's cock through his boxers, feeling the shape of it, and Toby tipped his head back on Elliot's shoulder. The familiar smell of him, those gentle fingers, were devastating. A man stroking your cock was completely different when you knew how to make him laugh, what kind of day he'd had at work. When he'd seen the miserable worst of you and he'd forgiven it.
A tea towel was dropped on his face, and Toby snatched it off to wipe his hands. Fuck the dishes.
Elliot slid his other hand under Toby's shirt, rubbing circles on his stomach, and Toby wrapped his own hands around Elliot's wrists, following them up to the rolled sleeves, feeling the muscles flex as Elliot's fingers tightened, so good on Toby's cock. Beautiful arms. "I've missed you, Elliot."
"Missed you." Lips on Toby's neck, finding all the weak places, making Toby shiver and whimper as light fingers danced along his cock. "I've missed this. Do you know what I've been thinking about? I've been thinking about blowing you. Want to get to know you with my mouth, until I know every secret button you have." He gave a little twist with his hand, to show he was already learning, made Toby gasp. "Come on."
And then that hand was gone, wrapping around Toby's hand instead and tugging him towards the bedroom. God yes, Toby wanted to feel Elliot's wet mouth on him, watch his cock slide over those lips and know Elliot wouldn't do it for anyone else, but it seemed like it ought to be Toby on his knees tonight. Giving thanks, making amends.
Elliot flipped the switch and flooded the room with light before attacking Toby's shirt. In minutes they were naked and tangled together, and this time Elliot didn't just want to cuddle. He was fisting Toby's cock with a newfound confidence, smiling at all Toby's little moans and groans, kissing trails over Toby's chest and working his way down.
"Want to make you feel good." He looked up with dark, hungry eyes as he ran his wet tongue over Toby's stomach.
"Keep doing that." Just watching Elliot down there on his knees, Toby's cock bobbing in his face, was making Toby's balls ache. It should have been Toby down there doing this to Elliot, but he was too greedy to resist. Elliot had always seemed awkward when he did this before, working up the courage, but now he was eager, examining it like he wanted to start everywhere at once, looking up to meet Toby's eyes as he circled his tongue around the head and tested his slit, making Toby gasp.
"I know that secret button." He played there a while, making Toby writhe, and then kept going, lips and tongue and fingers everywhere, testing how deep he could take him and backing off to mouth Toby's balls, pressing Toby's twitching thighs wider. Like he'd been thinking very hard about blowing Toby, and couldn't wait to put his imagination to use.
Toby pushed his fingers through Elliot's buzz cut, struggling to keep his eyes open to watch the show. Which was how he saw Elliot pause to suck a finger before taking the head in his mouth, saw him reaching through before he felt him at his asshole, a gentle touch shoving him right to the edge. "Jesus, El, I thought..."
"World of difference between a gentle finger and a jamming a whole cock in there."
And it was gentle but Toby's ass gobbled it right in, and Elliot's mouth did magical things, and Toby's balls pulled up as he came, groaning an incoherent warning too late but Elliot held on, swallowing pulse after pulse until it got too much and he pulled back, the last of it spilling across his lips and chin. He looked bemused as he worked his mouth to swallow the last of Toby's come. He'd never looked so sexy.
"That was incredible." Toby tightened his grip in Elliot's hair and pulled him up and licked his chin clean, wiped his tongue over those swollen lips and inside, where Elliot tasted like Toby's cock. "What else have you been imagining?"
"Surprise me."
That finger in his ass had been surprising. It had set a little flame of hope going. Elliot didn't know how to untangle a little butt play from trauma? Toby could teach him that. "I want to slide down and lick your ass. You ever been rimmed?"
Elliot's eyes got round, and then darted away. "A... a little."
Toby wondered if it was the ass-talk making him shy, or that Toby was asking if his wife had rimmed him. With Toby, questions like that were general: did you ever do that with someone? With Elliot they were specific: Did your ex-wife Kathy ever stick her pretty pink tongue in your ass? It felt like an invasion of Kathy's privacy.
But it felt strangely good, too: in Franco's, you didn't care enough to ask those questions at all. Toby kissed his lips. "I want to do it a lot. I want to work you open until I can press my long, long tongue all the way in. Will you let me?"
"I..." Elliot was doing that squirming thing that Toby found so sexy. If Toby waited for a yes, Elliot might never come.
"Roll on your stomach." Toby guided him over a pillow and spread his knees wide, crawling between to run his hands up those solid thighs to the miraculously tight ass. Elliot's whole body was stiff as a board, like he was standing over a hundred foot drop. Toby gave one ripe cheek a gentle bite and Elliot gasped and huffed a laugh, and then Toby ran his tongue up the middle and Elliot let out an unmanly whine. Toby spread him wide open, devoured the promised land with his eyes until he realised Elliot was tensing up even more. He dipped in and licked him, a slow rub with the flat of his tongue that drove the air out of Elliot, and then patterns with the pointed tip that drew it back in. "That feel good, El?" Of course it did. Over and over, and Elliot couldn't answer through all the desperate needy sounds.
Now Toby had a plan. He was going to teach Elliot to love having his ass tongued until the day he begged for a couple of fingers, and then he'd show him how good that could be until he wanted more. Toby didn't want to learn to live without fucking and being fucked, but he was patient. He wanted to draw Elliot in, the slower the better, savour every incremental advance until Elliot was on his shoulders and knees, ass in the air, shameless for a reaming. Toby hoped it took months to get there.
Toby stroked his trembling thighs and nibbled his butt and licked that knot until it was loose, until Elliot was grinding his cock against the sheets, and then he pressed him forward, up onto his knees to get a better angle and deny him the friction of the pillow, and he took a deep breath and pushed his tongue deep. Elliot's moan echoed around the room loud enough to startle the neighbours, his hands fisting in the pillows. Toby made a quiet note not to ever, ever do this when Holly was sleeping next door.
Toby crammed his face between those firm cheeks, opened his mouth wide and sucked, holding steady as Elliot bucked. And then he did with his tongue what Elliot wouldn't let him do with his cock, fucking this beautiful ass, making him writhe and moan and gasp Toby's name, thrusting inside and filling him up until Elliot froze, his whole body seized mid-breath, ass twitching, and then a long, soft groan.
Toby wiped his mouth and flopped on the bed. Elliot didn't move except for panting, a good few minutes before he even turned his head to look at Toby, eyes wide. "You didn't even touch my cock."
Toby didn't bother to hide his smugness.
"Hell." Elliot shifted, moving like some heavy beast of the plains, shoved the soggy pillow off the bed and curled up beside him, head on his shoulder, one leg slipped between Toby's. Still breathing hard. They were sticky and sweaty, but Toby just reached to pull the blanket over them. He could have gone again, but this was enough.
Elliot pressed a kiss to his chest, and Toby rubbed his neck.
A quick breath in, and quietly Elliot said, "When we split, part of me was relieved. I thought I could go back to women. Thank god I didn't have to deal with wanting a guy anymore, you know?"
"Yeah. I know." Toby remembered that same feeling when his cock stirred for his beautiful female lawyer. Because then Chris, real as their love had been, was just a prison aberration, and if Katherine got him out of Oz he wouldn't have being gay piled on top of being an ex-con and the abundance of psychological issues. And yet, here he was, buried under a pile of Elliot.
"But I couldn't. When I was jerking off, I was still thinking about your cock. Your hard body, your firm chest..." His hand wandered to demonstrate.
"So now you're worried you might be gay?"
Elliot snorted, a warm puff against his chest.
Toby stroked his hair. "In prison everyone fits in a box. The Aryans, the Muslims, the homeboys, the Italians, the bikers, the gays... I never fit. The Aryans owned me, but I wasn't one of them. Everyone knew about Chris and me but we were never counted with the gays. I studied and prayed with a Muslim, but a white guy couldn't join them. You live and die by your labels in there, and the only one I had was 'prag'."
"So you don't buy into them now."
"I've given up trying to figure it out. You want what you want. Women still turn me on. Not as much as you do, but I haven't fallen off the far end of the Kinsey scale."
"I like that it doesn't matter to you."
If Toby was giving Elliot the impression that rewriting huge pieces of his identity had been easy, he was explaining it wrong. Falling in love with Chris had been terrifying. He nudged Elliot off and wiggled around until they were facing each other, sharing the pillow. "When I told my parents I had a lover inside, we were sitting with an FBI agent trying to figure out who had kidnapped two of my children. It's... all relative."
Elliot touched Toby's face, comforting him. "How did they take it?"
That was one of the moments frozen perfectly in Toby's memory: their open-mouthed stares, even Taylor knocked off his game. "They were shocked. But their grandchildren were missing, their son was in prison, so in the scheme of things..."
"I've seen enough parents who would have let that drown the rest. Your parents sound like good people."
"You have no idea." The lengths his dad had gone to for Chris, just because Toby asked, still took his breath away sometimes. It was a shame he'd never meet Elliot; they were both truth and justice kind of men, and his dad would have thought a lot of Elliot. It was a shame his mother had waited so long. "I want you to meet my mother."
"Really?"
"Yeah." If Elliot was sure enough to have Olivia to dinner, it was time Mother was brought back into Toby's life. "She's always asking about you."
"She knows about me?" Elliot looked genuinely surprised.
"You're the only thing I have to talk about, other than Holly and Harry."
"I just thought... " He bit his lip. "It's a long time since I had to brace myself to meet Kathy's mother."
"There's the silver lining on my past. At least you don't have to worry about measuring up to my last partner."
"At least I don't have to tell her I knocked you up at seventeen." Elliot didn't match Toby's wry smile. "Did she ever meet Chris?"
"No." Thank god, she didn't, or Elliot would have taken some explaining. "Dad did. He was working on Chris's case until he was murdered."
Elliot stroked Toby's chest. "Is that why he was killed?"
"No, he was killed because of me. Like everyone else."
All sorts of things flashed through Elliot's eyes. "What happened?"
"Some kid stabbed him in order to earn his way in with the Aryans, a few days before I was paroled for the first time. They didn't let me go to the funeral."
And so Toby came home to a house in mourning, his mother a wreck, Holly reverting to her post-kidnap trauma, Harry crying for Jonah and Marta. If his father had still been alive, Toby would have talked to him about picking up Bonnie's drugs for Chris, and his father would never have let him go.
Elliot drew Toby's hand up between them, tangling their fingers. "I'd love to meet your mother."
Toby slid his ankle between Elliot's, and they lay there, noses inches apart, enjoying the quiet. A month ago, Toby thought he'd burned the bridge. Now they were lying here, naked, Toby had somehow scored a passing grade with Olivia, and Elliot was willing to meet Toby's mother.
Mother was going to be embarrassingly happy about it. "I've got dinner planned with her next week."
The corner of Elliot's lip quirked up. "Sure."
Oh. Wait. "There's one small hitch."
There went the smile, whooshed away with a full body clench. "Holly will be there."
Toby and Holly were back to their old inseparable selves, but Toby's suggestion that Elliot come to dinner had been met with a snarl. "I'm working on her, but-"
"What can you tell her? That hitting you was excusable?" Elliot's face screwed up in disgust.
"Should I tell her that she got in the way of an all-out brawl? That I've done a hell of a lot more than punch other people?"
"Don't ever."
Toby propped himself up on an elbow. "Do you really think I wasn't ready to hit you back?"
Elliot flinched. What had he expected would have happened if Holly hadn't rushed in? That Toby would have just stood there and taken it like a bitch?
"She shouldn't ever know any of that." Elliot sat up, tucking the sheet around him. "Toby, you have to know that children exposed to violence are more likely to suffer violence throughout their lives. You don't want to let her out into the terrifying world of dating with an ambiguous message about how guys can treat her."
Toby sucked in a breath. If some teenage boy ever laid a hand on Holly...
Elliot's hand covered Toby's clenched fist. "Believe me, I know." Toby looked up and saw the smoulder reflected in Elliot's eyes. Of course he did. Pity the soul who hurt any of the Stabler girls. "She's going to be on her own out there. All you can do is teach her to handle life as best she can."
"So, what? You're telling me I should cut you out of my life as some kind of life lesson for Holly?"
Elliot chewed on that for far longer that Toby was comfortable with, but finally he said, "Maybe you can't do it. I'm the one who owes her an apology."
"You really want to?"
"No. I just think maybe it's something I need to do."
And that was what got Toby in the gut about Elliot. He didn't want to do it to manipulate Toby, or even to make Toby happy. Elliot just wanted to do the right thing.
Toby tugged him back down and rolled over, pulling Elliot to curl up behind him. Elliot's chest to Toby's back, Elliot's knees tucked behind Toby's knees, a heavy arm wrapped over him. This was the message Toby wanted Holly to have about the men in her life.
end chapter 45
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