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drsquidloveSomeone Like You
by Dr Squidlove
drsquidlove @@@ livejournal.com
Oz/Law & Order: SVU crossover
Tobias Beecher's trying to rebuild his family in the shadow of the man he was in prison. Elliot Stabler's struggling to continue in the wake of divorce while his job eats away at his soul. It makes for an odd friendship, but it works.
Rated R for violence and explicit references to sexual violence.
Wordcount this post: 3497
Full headers are on chapter 1.
Oz is the property of Tom Fontana and HBO. Law & Order: SVU is the property of Dick Wolf and NBC. The characters are used without permission, but with much appreciation.
Someone Like You
chapter 52: Zombie
by Dr Squidlove
Previously, in chapter 51, Waiting:
Olivia had cracked her head worthy of emergency surgery, and was yet to wake up. Toby waited until late to visit, to feed Elliot and send him on a break. While he was gone Captain Cragen stopped by, and recognised Elliot's friend the cross dressing freak, and actually knew Toby's name, thanks to Elliot.
Elliot felt better after some air, ready to go back and take care of Olivia and to talk to Toby about why Keller was haunting him. Instead he found Cragen, and there was awkwardness. But there was Toby, and thank god for that.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Elliot stared at the wall, letting his eyes cross. He was too tired to think, too wired to doze.
Plenty of people had passed through this morning: Cragen, Munch, Finn, Warner, Novak. A few more had called. He'd talked to Toby twice. She had more friends than she knew. But the morning stretched out, everyone was back at work, and it was just her and Elliot, and Elliot's wandering thoughts.
He'd whiled away an hour on the book of crossword puzzles Munch left, and then threw it aside. Elliot hated crossword puzzles, but it passed the time. Elliot hated passing time. He wanted to do something. He would have begged Cragen to pass him some phone records to check through.
It seemed ridiculous to be bored when Olivia was lying in front of him, head wrapped in bandages. Liv might never wake up.
He gritted his teeth, pushed that away. Liv was gonna be fine.
This wasn't his fault. Every time someone said it, he believed it less. He hadn't been there to back her up because he was a son of a bitch who couldn't control his temper. It had to change. He was going to change, somehow. He was about to promise it out loud when he noticed Olivia was watching him through heavy eyes. Open eyes.
Elliot caught her hand and fought the urge to squeeze, couldn't manage to get out a single word.
One side of her mouth lifted. "Whatever it... not your fault."
The breath rushed out of him. She was okay. "Everything's always my fault." He didn't let go as he reached back for the chair, and then he changed his mind and just settled half his ass on the bed. He didn't want to be any further away.
"Thirsty." Her voice was barely more than a croak.
"Here. The nurses have been leaving ice chips; that's all you can have." He took a piece from the cup and slid it into her mouth, and buzzed the call button.
"What happened?"
"You took a tumble down the stairs, hit your head."
"Hurts."
Elliot guessed brain surgery probably did. "Your guy's locked down. They got the whole incident on security footage; he's not gonna see daylight for a long time."
She frowned a little, licked her lip, so Elliot fed her another piece of ice.
"And Cragen met Toby here last night. That was weird." Inane chat, to save Olivia from thinking too much about how bad this might be. "Weird, but civil."
"How did I get here?"
"Cragen got you here fast. Saved your life."
She watched, him, puzzled. "Was I shot?"
"No... You were knocked down the stairs. You hit your head. The doctors had to operate."
"My head?" She pulled her hand away to reach for the injury, and Elliot caught it, held it tighter.
"That's right."
"My hair?"
Elliot forced a smile, kept his voice light. "It might need some work."
"We were looking for someone..."
"You got him, Liv. He's going to prison."
The door opened and the day nurse bustled in. "Elliot, what - Oh. You're awake." She tucked her pen in her uniform and hurried over.
Olivia stared at her, blank. "What happened?"
Elliot swallowed. "Her memory's not..."
Becky squeezed his arm as she passed. "That's to be expected." She slid smoothly past Elliot to lean over the bed. "Hey, Honey. I'm going to ask you some questions, all right? Can you tell me your name?"
"Olivia Benson."
"Do you know what day it is?"
Elliot stepped back. Olivia answered all the questions right, and then asked what happened again.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Mister, we're here."
Elliot blinked awake and looked around. Right. He felt around for his wallet, dug out a couple of twenties and pressed himself out of the taxi without waiting for change. Wondered when the two flights of stairs to Toby's apartment became ten. Seeing Toby was all that had driven him this far, the only reason he didn't curl up on the landing to rest. This wasn't just missing him. He needed him, would have given up a limb to crawl into his arms and stay there for a few days.
He let himself in the door and took a moment to breathe. Long enough that Toby came out squinting, in his boxers and a t-shirt, scratching his stomach. "Elliot?"
"Toby."
Weaving steps like a drunk, but Toby met him halfway, pulled Elliot close and took his weight. "I didn't expect you tonight." Elliot leaned into him.
"Finn kicked me out." He'd hardly been the first to try, but he'd been the rudest, and backed by the nurses, and Elliot was quietly grateful for the shove. "I missed you." Olivia could sleep without him for a few hours. Elliot wanted to be here.
"How's Olivia doing?"
"She woke up again since you called. Starting to sound more coherent. Still talking slow but doctors say she's doing great. Warner says it's a good sign for a full recovery."
"That's wonderful."
"She said it might take a while. Olivia won't like that."
"I'll bet. Come on. You're a zombie." Toby guided him through to the bedroom, sat Elliot down on the bed and knelt to take off his shoes. Elliot fumbled through the buttons of his shirt, and then lay back to push down his pants. Toby tugged at the bedcovers, but Elliot waved him back. It was painfully tempting to just crawl under and pull Toby after him, hold on hard and breathe him until morning, but Elliot had been sitting in that same chair for over twenty-four hours, hadn't eaten properly since Toby brought him dinner last night. Food could wait but, "I need a shower."
"You sure?"
"Yeah." Elliot wouldn't have refused if Toby offered a sponge bath, but Toby just pulled him to his feet and held him steady. He smelled wonderful. Elliot hated to move, but he reminded himself the bed was waiting, and that was what he needed to drag himself away and plod to the bathroom.
The shower was incredible. Hot enough to turn Elliot's skin pink, half-waking his dazed brain while it turned his bones to mush, the heat settling deep in his gut. He washed fast and then braced himself against the tiles and let it beat down on his neck and back, and zoned out for a couple of minutes. He shut the water off and dragged a quick towel over himself, just enough to stop the dripping, and tucked it around his waist for the long trip back to the bedroom.
Toby was sitting up, reading by lamplight, glasses shining. Sexy as hell. Elliot closed the door and draped the towel over the handle, ambled over naked as Toby's eyes drifted south to Elliot's waving cock. Elliot slid under the sheets and wiggled over, wrapped himself right around Toby and kissed him, ignored the way Toby fumbled to mark his place, ignored Toby's struggle to get his glasses off without breaking free, dragged him down until they were lying pressed together, all the way from their tongues to their toes.
Slow, sexy kisses, long minutes of lazily rolling hips. Toby paused to trace a finger along the circle under Elliot's eye. "Don't you need to sleep?"
"Need you first." He rubbed his two-day stubble along Toby's neck, hips thrusting in mindless need. He didn't have the stamina or the wit to impress, just wanted to be with Toby and let go of all the tension that had been knotting him up since he got the call that Olivia... Since long before than that. Toby's hands smoothed over Elliot's back, restless and eager, and Elliot wanted...
Elliot brushed his mouth over Toby's ear, searched for a way to ask it, started and stopped and finally said, "Will you put your mouth on me?"
Toby pressed their foreheads, whispered, "You want me to suck your cock, El?"
"No, I... I want you to lick..." Elliot hated how hard it was to look in those blue eyes and ask. "I want your tongue. Would you mind... like that other time. My ass."
Toby's face lit up. "When you blush like that, you could make me do anything at all, baby."
Elliot cut him a look but Toby grinned, unrepentant. Elliot wanted to tell him and be clear, not your cock, nothing degrading, just that incredible tongue and all that eagerness that says there isn't a single inch of my body that you don't want to pleasure. Pull me open and get me out of my head.
Toby's hand slid back and forth over Elliot's ass, fingers tracing his crack, making him nervous and hard at once. "Can you be quiet?"
Holly was home. Elliot hadn't thought... "I will. I'll be whatever you want."
Toby's eyes darkened in the lamplight. "Next time I'll make you say it. You'll tell me, 'Toby, please, lick my asshole. Eat me out. Toby, get your incredible tongue up my ass, shove it as deep as you can.'" Toby stretched out his tongue to remind Elliot just how deep that was.
Elliot didn't know if he could say that but Toby was making him impossibly hard, sending the scrambled remains of his mind to his dick. He was too dizzy to know anything but the feel of Toby and the throb of his cock, the way Toby manhandled him onto his stomach, hips over a pillow, and spread his legs wide and licked him from balls to tailbone.
"Shhhhhh."
Had to be quiet. Elliot buried his face in a pillow and there was nothing but the weight in his cock and the fingers digging into his thighs and that incredible tongue. Elliot didn't care about Chris Keller, didn't care what kind of cop he was. To hell with dignity and worrying and tomorrow, Elliot just wanted to be awake long enough to feel that incredible shuddering bliss when his balls finally emptied.
Toby's hands were stretching his cheeks wide and he was teasing the sensitive hole with just the tip of his tongue until Elliot was almost ready to beg and then Toby pushed inside and it felt so good, stole Elliot's breath right out of his lungs. Slow, careful thrusts, in and out. Toby slid back to take his balls in that huge hot mouth and then it was back to his ass, devoted attention like Toby would rather be doing this for Elliot than anything else in the world, playing and pushing at Elliot's asshole for a while and then sliding that impossibly long tongue as impossibly deep as he'd promised, cramming his face against Elliot like he wanted to go deeper, almost too much, and curling inside him, building pleasure like a tide rising from his balls all the way up his spine, teetering, teetering, and then Toby's hand slid up his cock and Elliot had to bite the pillow in his face, had to hold himself still so he didn't rattle apart as it all rumbled up from his toes, rolling through him and over him and leaving him wrecked.
He couldn't move as Toby crawled back up to curl behind him, hard fat cock pressing Elliot's buttock. "You don't even know how sexy you are, El, writhing around like that." Toby had his knees planted either side of Elliot's thighs, had his cock in hand and was rubbing both against his ass cheek, two inches from where his tongue had just pressed, already close to a finish.
Elliot couldn't lift his head, let alone a hand, but he managed to say, "Want me to tell you how much I love it when you do that, Toby?"
"Yessss..."
"How good your tongue feels in my ass?" The words felt like nonsense, but Toby wasn't stopping so Elliot babbled on. "You shut down m'brain and can't think 'bout anything but how good y'feel, that beautiful face buried between my cheeks."
Toby was gasping, his face pressed to the back of Elliot's neck, his hips snapping.
"Love it when y' lick m'ass, Toby. Love what you do t'me."
Sharp teeth in Elliot's shoulder startled him alert, in time to feel Toby hanging, waiting, and then wet heat pooled on his butt, dripping off his hip and running into his crack. Elliot didn't understand the whispered words, but at some point there was a wet cloth, and then there was Toby wriggling under him, as close as Elliot needed him to be.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Elliot lay spread across the bed on his belly, one knee splayed wide. Grey cotton briefs stretched across the ass that had wriggled and flexed as Toby ate him out last night. When Elliot got that greedy for his tongue Toby felt like the best fuck in the world. It made him love eating Elliot out even more.
If Elliot ever got over his hang ups he'd be a complete ass slut. He'd loved every touch last night, loved it more the deeper Toby got. Toby'd had Elliot's hole loose enough he could have put two fingers up there without Elliot so much as catching his breath. A little longer, a little work with his thumbs and he would have hung wide enough that Toby could have just lined himself up and surged home in one thrust. That one thrust was all it would take to change Elliot's mind, and it was all Toby had thought about as he humped his cock into spit-slick flesh just a couple of slippery inches away from Elliot's slick, loose hole.
Toby wouldn't ever, ever push that line, but if Elliot would just trust him...
And now Toby was aroused all over again, without the time or privacy to do anything about it. He reached into his shorts to give his cock a squeeze and an apology and sat on the edge of the bed.
Elliot's eyes fluttered open, played over Toby's face, and then fell on the plate of toast and egg and bacon in his hands. He breathed deep and rubbed his face, and the scrape of whiskers was audible. "What time is it?"
"Early." Probably later than Elliot would have liked, but Toby had turned the clock to face away, figured he could distract him from looking for a while.
"I need to check-"
"I already checked. You didn't miss any calls, no one left any messages except Kathleen texting to ask if you're still on for lunch. Your phone isn't broken. You can eat a proper meal before you head back to hospital."
Elliot rolled onto his back, eyeing the plate in Toby's hands the same way Toby was studying the way grey cotton hugged his cock and balls, dark hair curling out and dissipating along his thighs. "That smells really good."
"Then put on some clothes before you come out to eat it. Holly's home."
Toby stood and Elliot threw a hand wide, poking Toby's knee. "No chance of taking care of that, then?" He glanced towards the tent in Toby's shorts. "How long were you staring at my ass before I woke up?"
"It only took a minute."
Elliot smiled.
He took a two minute shower and when he finally came out he was dressed and shaved and ready to go, everything but his shoes and coat. Holly was holed up in her room, so they had the table to themselves. Elliot started to wolf down his breakfast like a starving man so Toby went and cracked another couple of eggs into the frypan and stuck some more bread in the toaster and came back to lean in the doorway. "Are you going to have lunch with Kathleen?"
"Yeah. I called her; she's going to meet me in the city."
Toby pictured the girl he'd seen in photos. He wanted to know her, to see for himself the daughter that Elliot loved and worried about so much. "I could meet you in there."
Elliot snorted.
"I mean it."
"I don't have the strength to handle that right now."
"All right."
Elliot drained his coffee and looked up, hearing something in Toby's tone. "Not yet, okay?"
"Sure." Toby went back into the kitchen to get the second plate of eggs and toast. He was starting to get impatient to meet Kathleen and the twins. He was tired of Elliot's stories being about strangers. He wanted to see Maureen again. For all the reassurances that they were back on track, Elliot wasn't ready to let Toby meet his family.
Toby served up the second plate and Elliot caught his wrist and pulled him to sit before he could clear the other one away. "How have you been?"
"I'm fine. Harry called yesterday and we talked for nearly an hour. He's already packing for Vermont, couldn't stop talking about learning to ski."
"That's great."
"He's worried about Holly, but he really wants to see me."
Elliot grinned. "Of course he does."
There was no 'of course' about it. Toby had fought his way here, and he wasn't going to take it even the slightest bit for granted. He was going to make sure Harry was part of his life. "I was wondering..."
Elliot's looked up from under his brow, plainly hearing the caution in Toby's voice.
"Captain Cragen yesterday... He knows about me."
"Yeah. I told him if anything happens to me... you're the one to call. You're the one I want with me."
Toby swallowed, and Elliot reached to squeeze his hand. "Does he know I have a record?"
Elliot sat back, hurt. "What do you want from me, Toby?"
Toby really didn't know. He was sure he didn't want Cragen to know that. "He wants you to take a vacation?"
"Don't worry about it." Shut down. Elliot shovelled another fork full of eggs in his mouth, dragged a piece of toast around the plate to catch the last of the yolk.
"I'm not worrying." Of course he was after that censored conversation in the park two days ago. Elliot was in trouble at work, had bullied a suspect or beaten a suspect, Toby didn't even know. Elliot used to trust him enough to talk about his problems at work, but that had all disappeared when he learned about Chris. Toby's betrayal was forgiven but it wasn't forgotten, and Toby didn't know what else he could do. He couldn't nag him now, with Olivia in the state she was in. "But I was thinking..." It probably wasn't the right time to ask this now, either, but Toby didn't want to put it off. "Why don't you come to Vermont?"
Elliot looked up, mouth open. "Me?"
"I know you'll want Thanksgiving with your kids, but I'm guessing Kathy has them for part of it. Better to spend that part with us, than home alone."
"And how will you explain me to Harry?"
"I'll tell him you're part of my life. I'm dating a man." He'd just rip the band aid off. Holly and Mother knew, and now Elliot's family knew. Harry couldn't be the only one who didn't.
Elliot pressed his tongue out to lick his lip, thinking, and then abruptly picked up his plate and headed for the kitchen. Toby followed him. Elliot leaned one hip against the counter. "While we're all stuck together for days?"
"Seems like it would be better than dropping the news on him and sending him straight back to his homophobic grandfather." At least then Toby and Elliot would have some time to win him over, and Harry would have a chance to see Holly not having a problem with their father dating a man and maybe Holly would be friendlier to Elliot, just to prove she was closer to him than Harry.
And then Toby would have Elliot with him for a weekend in Vermont: he could share his memories and family and turkey and real snow, maybe he could stay longer and it could just be the two of them for the rest of the week when the kids went back to school.
Toby wanted it badly. He took the plate out of Elliot's hands and put it in the sink, laid his hands on that broad chest. "Think about it. Snow. Fireplace. The rush of the wind going down a black run just after dawn." It had been ten, maybe fifteen years, but Toby was sure it was like riding a bike.
Elliot looked at him like he was mad. "Toby, I can't ski."
"Really?" Of course he couldn't. When would he have learned? Toby felt like an ass. He hated reminding Elliot of his privileged childhood. "I'll teach you."
Elliot's grimace suggested that wasn't likely, but it wasn't an outright no. "You really want me to come?"
"Of course I do." Toby had been practising this argument since the idea occurred to him yesterday. Elliot tipped his head, actually considering it, and Toby squeezed his hand. "You don't have to answer now. Just think about it."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
end chapter 52
Feedback is a thoroughly renewable energy source with no harmful emissions. Concrit thoroughly welcome, warm fuzzies treasured. Here or at drsquidlove @@@ livejournal.com
The complete works of Dr Squidlove can be found at http://members.iinet.net.au/~tentacles/squidfic.html
S.
by Dr Squidlove
drsquidlove @@@ livejournal.com
Oz/Law & Order: SVU crossover
Tobias Beecher's trying to rebuild his family in the shadow of the man he was in prison. Elliot Stabler's struggling to continue in the wake of divorce while his job eats away at his soul. It makes for an odd friendship, but it works.
Rated R for violence and explicit references to sexual violence.
Wordcount this post: 3497
Full headers are on chapter 1.
Oz is the property of Tom Fontana and HBO. Law & Order: SVU is the property of Dick Wolf and NBC. The characters are used without permission, but with much appreciation.
Someone Like You
chapter 52: Zombie
by Dr Squidlove
Previously, in chapter 51, Waiting:
Olivia had cracked her head worthy of emergency surgery, and was yet to wake up. Toby waited until late to visit, to feed Elliot and send him on a break. While he was gone Captain Cragen stopped by, and recognised Elliot's friend the cross dressing freak, and actually knew Toby's name, thanks to Elliot.
Elliot felt better after some air, ready to go back and take care of Olivia and to talk to Toby about why Keller was haunting him. Instead he found Cragen, and there was awkwardness. But there was Toby, and thank god for that.
Elliot stared at the wall, letting his eyes cross. He was too tired to think, too wired to doze.
Plenty of people had passed through this morning: Cragen, Munch, Finn, Warner, Novak. A few more had called. He'd talked to Toby twice. She had more friends than she knew. But the morning stretched out, everyone was back at work, and it was just her and Elliot, and Elliot's wandering thoughts.
He'd whiled away an hour on the book of crossword puzzles Munch left, and then threw it aside. Elliot hated crossword puzzles, but it passed the time. Elliot hated passing time. He wanted to do something. He would have begged Cragen to pass him some phone records to check through.
It seemed ridiculous to be bored when Olivia was lying in front of him, head wrapped in bandages. Liv might never wake up.
He gritted his teeth, pushed that away. Liv was gonna be fine.
This wasn't his fault. Every time someone said it, he believed it less. He hadn't been there to back her up because he was a son of a bitch who couldn't control his temper. It had to change. He was going to change, somehow. He was about to promise it out loud when he noticed Olivia was watching him through heavy eyes. Open eyes.
Elliot caught her hand and fought the urge to squeeze, couldn't manage to get out a single word.
One side of her mouth lifted. "Whatever it... not your fault."
The breath rushed out of him. She was okay. "Everything's always my fault." He didn't let go as he reached back for the chair, and then he changed his mind and just settled half his ass on the bed. He didn't want to be any further away.
"Thirsty." Her voice was barely more than a croak.
"Here. The nurses have been leaving ice chips; that's all you can have." He took a piece from the cup and slid it into her mouth, and buzzed the call button.
"What happened?"
"You took a tumble down the stairs, hit your head."
"Hurts."
Elliot guessed brain surgery probably did. "Your guy's locked down. They got the whole incident on security footage; he's not gonna see daylight for a long time."
She frowned a little, licked her lip, so Elliot fed her another piece of ice.
"And Cragen met Toby here last night. That was weird." Inane chat, to save Olivia from thinking too much about how bad this might be. "Weird, but civil."
"How did I get here?"
"Cragen got you here fast. Saved your life."
She watched, him, puzzled. "Was I shot?"
"No... You were knocked down the stairs. You hit your head. The doctors had to operate."
"My head?" She pulled her hand away to reach for the injury, and Elliot caught it, held it tighter.
"That's right."
"My hair?"
Elliot forced a smile, kept his voice light. "It might need some work."
"We were looking for someone..."
"You got him, Liv. He's going to prison."
The door opened and the day nurse bustled in. "Elliot, what - Oh. You're awake." She tucked her pen in her uniform and hurried over.
Olivia stared at her, blank. "What happened?"
Elliot swallowed. "Her memory's not..."
Becky squeezed his arm as she passed. "That's to be expected." She slid smoothly past Elliot to lean over the bed. "Hey, Honey. I'm going to ask you some questions, all right? Can you tell me your name?"
"Olivia Benson."
"Do you know what day it is?"
Elliot stepped back. Olivia answered all the questions right, and then asked what happened again.
"Mister, we're here."
Elliot blinked awake and looked around. Right. He felt around for his wallet, dug out a couple of twenties and pressed himself out of the taxi without waiting for change. Wondered when the two flights of stairs to Toby's apartment became ten. Seeing Toby was all that had driven him this far, the only reason he didn't curl up on the landing to rest. This wasn't just missing him. He needed him, would have given up a limb to crawl into his arms and stay there for a few days.
He let himself in the door and took a moment to breathe. Long enough that Toby came out squinting, in his boxers and a t-shirt, scratching his stomach. "Elliot?"
"Toby."
Weaving steps like a drunk, but Toby met him halfway, pulled Elliot close and took his weight. "I didn't expect you tonight." Elliot leaned into him.
"Finn kicked me out." He'd hardly been the first to try, but he'd been the rudest, and backed by the nurses, and Elliot was quietly grateful for the shove. "I missed you." Olivia could sleep without him for a few hours. Elliot wanted to be here.
"How's Olivia doing?"
"She woke up again since you called. Starting to sound more coherent. Still talking slow but doctors say she's doing great. Warner says it's a good sign for a full recovery."
"That's wonderful."
"She said it might take a while. Olivia won't like that."
"I'll bet. Come on. You're a zombie." Toby guided him through to the bedroom, sat Elliot down on the bed and knelt to take off his shoes. Elliot fumbled through the buttons of his shirt, and then lay back to push down his pants. Toby tugged at the bedcovers, but Elliot waved him back. It was painfully tempting to just crawl under and pull Toby after him, hold on hard and breathe him until morning, but Elliot had been sitting in that same chair for over twenty-four hours, hadn't eaten properly since Toby brought him dinner last night. Food could wait but, "I need a shower."
"You sure?"
"Yeah." Elliot wouldn't have refused if Toby offered a sponge bath, but Toby just pulled him to his feet and held him steady. He smelled wonderful. Elliot hated to move, but he reminded himself the bed was waiting, and that was what he needed to drag himself away and plod to the bathroom.
The shower was incredible. Hot enough to turn Elliot's skin pink, half-waking his dazed brain while it turned his bones to mush, the heat settling deep in his gut. He washed fast and then braced himself against the tiles and let it beat down on his neck and back, and zoned out for a couple of minutes. He shut the water off and dragged a quick towel over himself, just enough to stop the dripping, and tucked it around his waist for the long trip back to the bedroom.
Toby was sitting up, reading by lamplight, glasses shining. Sexy as hell. Elliot closed the door and draped the towel over the handle, ambled over naked as Toby's eyes drifted south to Elliot's waving cock. Elliot slid under the sheets and wiggled over, wrapped himself right around Toby and kissed him, ignored the way Toby fumbled to mark his place, ignored Toby's struggle to get his glasses off without breaking free, dragged him down until they were lying pressed together, all the way from their tongues to their toes.
Slow, sexy kisses, long minutes of lazily rolling hips. Toby paused to trace a finger along the circle under Elliot's eye. "Don't you need to sleep?"
"Need you first." He rubbed his two-day stubble along Toby's neck, hips thrusting in mindless need. He didn't have the stamina or the wit to impress, just wanted to be with Toby and let go of all the tension that had been knotting him up since he got the call that Olivia... Since long before than that. Toby's hands smoothed over Elliot's back, restless and eager, and Elliot wanted...
Elliot brushed his mouth over Toby's ear, searched for a way to ask it, started and stopped and finally said, "Will you put your mouth on me?"
Toby pressed their foreheads, whispered, "You want me to suck your cock, El?"
"No, I... I want you to lick..." Elliot hated how hard it was to look in those blue eyes and ask. "I want your tongue. Would you mind... like that other time. My ass."
Toby's face lit up. "When you blush like that, you could make me do anything at all, baby."
Elliot cut him a look but Toby grinned, unrepentant. Elliot wanted to tell him and be clear, not your cock, nothing degrading, just that incredible tongue and all that eagerness that says there isn't a single inch of my body that you don't want to pleasure. Pull me open and get me out of my head.
Toby's hand slid back and forth over Elliot's ass, fingers tracing his crack, making him nervous and hard at once. "Can you be quiet?"
Holly was home. Elliot hadn't thought... "I will. I'll be whatever you want."
Toby's eyes darkened in the lamplight. "Next time I'll make you say it. You'll tell me, 'Toby, please, lick my asshole. Eat me out. Toby, get your incredible tongue up my ass, shove it as deep as you can.'" Toby stretched out his tongue to remind Elliot just how deep that was.
Elliot didn't know if he could say that but Toby was making him impossibly hard, sending the scrambled remains of his mind to his dick. He was too dizzy to know anything but the feel of Toby and the throb of his cock, the way Toby manhandled him onto his stomach, hips over a pillow, and spread his legs wide and licked him from balls to tailbone.
"Shhhhhh."
Had to be quiet. Elliot buried his face in a pillow and there was nothing but the weight in his cock and the fingers digging into his thighs and that incredible tongue. Elliot didn't care about Chris Keller, didn't care what kind of cop he was. To hell with dignity and worrying and tomorrow, Elliot just wanted to be awake long enough to feel that incredible shuddering bliss when his balls finally emptied.
Toby's hands were stretching his cheeks wide and he was teasing the sensitive hole with just the tip of his tongue until Elliot was almost ready to beg and then Toby pushed inside and it felt so good, stole Elliot's breath right out of his lungs. Slow, careful thrusts, in and out. Toby slid back to take his balls in that huge hot mouth and then it was back to his ass, devoted attention like Toby would rather be doing this for Elliot than anything else in the world, playing and pushing at Elliot's asshole for a while and then sliding that impossibly long tongue as impossibly deep as he'd promised, cramming his face against Elliot like he wanted to go deeper, almost too much, and curling inside him, building pleasure like a tide rising from his balls all the way up his spine, teetering, teetering, and then Toby's hand slid up his cock and Elliot had to bite the pillow in his face, had to hold himself still so he didn't rattle apart as it all rumbled up from his toes, rolling through him and over him and leaving him wrecked.
He couldn't move as Toby crawled back up to curl behind him, hard fat cock pressing Elliot's buttock. "You don't even know how sexy you are, El, writhing around like that." Toby had his knees planted either side of Elliot's thighs, had his cock in hand and was rubbing both against his ass cheek, two inches from where his tongue had just pressed, already close to a finish.
Elliot couldn't lift his head, let alone a hand, but he managed to say, "Want me to tell you how much I love it when you do that, Toby?"
"Yessss..."
"How good your tongue feels in my ass?" The words felt like nonsense, but Toby wasn't stopping so Elliot babbled on. "You shut down m'brain and can't think 'bout anything but how good y'feel, that beautiful face buried between my cheeks."
Toby was gasping, his face pressed to the back of Elliot's neck, his hips snapping.
"Love it when y' lick m'ass, Toby. Love what you do t'me."
Sharp teeth in Elliot's shoulder startled him alert, in time to feel Toby hanging, waiting, and then wet heat pooled on his butt, dripping off his hip and running into his crack. Elliot didn't understand the whispered words, but at some point there was a wet cloth, and then there was Toby wriggling under him, as close as Elliot needed him to be.
Elliot lay spread across the bed on his belly, one knee splayed wide. Grey cotton briefs stretched across the ass that had wriggled and flexed as Toby ate him out last night. When Elliot got that greedy for his tongue Toby felt like the best fuck in the world. It made him love eating Elliot out even more.
If Elliot ever got over his hang ups he'd be a complete ass slut. He'd loved every touch last night, loved it more the deeper Toby got. Toby'd had Elliot's hole loose enough he could have put two fingers up there without Elliot so much as catching his breath. A little longer, a little work with his thumbs and he would have hung wide enough that Toby could have just lined himself up and surged home in one thrust. That one thrust was all it would take to change Elliot's mind, and it was all Toby had thought about as he humped his cock into spit-slick flesh just a couple of slippery inches away from Elliot's slick, loose hole.
Toby wouldn't ever, ever push that line, but if Elliot would just trust him...
And now Toby was aroused all over again, without the time or privacy to do anything about it. He reached into his shorts to give his cock a squeeze and an apology and sat on the edge of the bed.
Elliot's eyes fluttered open, played over Toby's face, and then fell on the plate of toast and egg and bacon in his hands. He breathed deep and rubbed his face, and the scrape of whiskers was audible. "What time is it?"
"Early." Probably later than Elliot would have liked, but Toby had turned the clock to face away, figured he could distract him from looking for a while.
"I need to check-"
"I already checked. You didn't miss any calls, no one left any messages except Kathleen texting to ask if you're still on for lunch. Your phone isn't broken. You can eat a proper meal before you head back to hospital."
Elliot rolled onto his back, eyeing the plate in Toby's hands the same way Toby was studying the way grey cotton hugged his cock and balls, dark hair curling out and dissipating along his thighs. "That smells really good."
"Then put on some clothes before you come out to eat it. Holly's home."
Toby stood and Elliot threw a hand wide, poking Toby's knee. "No chance of taking care of that, then?" He glanced towards the tent in Toby's shorts. "How long were you staring at my ass before I woke up?"
"It only took a minute."
Elliot smiled.
He took a two minute shower and when he finally came out he was dressed and shaved and ready to go, everything but his shoes and coat. Holly was holed up in her room, so they had the table to themselves. Elliot started to wolf down his breakfast like a starving man so Toby went and cracked another couple of eggs into the frypan and stuck some more bread in the toaster and came back to lean in the doorway. "Are you going to have lunch with Kathleen?"
"Yeah. I called her; she's going to meet me in the city."
Toby pictured the girl he'd seen in photos. He wanted to know her, to see for himself the daughter that Elliot loved and worried about so much. "I could meet you in there."
Elliot snorted.
"I mean it."
"I don't have the strength to handle that right now."
"All right."
Elliot drained his coffee and looked up, hearing something in Toby's tone. "Not yet, okay?"
"Sure." Toby went back into the kitchen to get the second plate of eggs and toast. He was starting to get impatient to meet Kathleen and the twins. He was tired of Elliot's stories being about strangers. He wanted to see Maureen again. For all the reassurances that they were back on track, Elliot wasn't ready to let Toby meet his family.
Toby served up the second plate and Elliot caught his wrist and pulled him to sit before he could clear the other one away. "How have you been?"
"I'm fine. Harry called yesterday and we talked for nearly an hour. He's already packing for Vermont, couldn't stop talking about learning to ski."
"That's great."
"He's worried about Holly, but he really wants to see me."
Elliot grinned. "Of course he does."
There was no 'of course' about it. Toby had fought his way here, and he wasn't going to take it even the slightest bit for granted. He was going to make sure Harry was part of his life. "I was wondering..."
Elliot's looked up from under his brow, plainly hearing the caution in Toby's voice.
"Captain Cragen yesterday... He knows about me."
"Yeah. I told him if anything happens to me... you're the one to call. You're the one I want with me."
Toby swallowed, and Elliot reached to squeeze his hand. "Does he know I have a record?"
Elliot sat back, hurt. "What do you want from me, Toby?"
Toby really didn't know. He was sure he didn't want Cragen to know that. "He wants you to take a vacation?"
"Don't worry about it." Shut down. Elliot shovelled another fork full of eggs in his mouth, dragged a piece of toast around the plate to catch the last of the yolk.
"I'm not worrying." Of course he was after that censored conversation in the park two days ago. Elliot was in trouble at work, had bullied a suspect or beaten a suspect, Toby didn't even know. Elliot used to trust him enough to talk about his problems at work, but that had all disappeared when he learned about Chris. Toby's betrayal was forgiven but it wasn't forgotten, and Toby didn't know what else he could do. He couldn't nag him now, with Olivia in the state she was in. "But I was thinking..." It probably wasn't the right time to ask this now, either, but Toby didn't want to put it off. "Why don't you come to Vermont?"
Elliot looked up, mouth open. "Me?"
"I know you'll want Thanksgiving with your kids, but I'm guessing Kathy has them for part of it. Better to spend that part with us, than home alone."
"And how will you explain me to Harry?"
"I'll tell him you're part of my life. I'm dating a man." He'd just rip the band aid off. Holly and Mother knew, and now Elliot's family knew. Harry couldn't be the only one who didn't.
Elliot pressed his tongue out to lick his lip, thinking, and then abruptly picked up his plate and headed for the kitchen. Toby followed him. Elliot leaned one hip against the counter. "While we're all stuck together for days?"
"Seems like it would be better than dropping the news on him and sending him straight back to his homophobic grandfather." At least then Toby and Elliot would have some time to win him over, and Harry would have a chance to see Holly not having a problem with their father dating a man and maybe Holly would be friendlier to Elliot, just to prove she was closer to him than Harry.
And then Toby would have Elliot with him for a weekend in Vermont: he could share his memories and family and turkey and real snow, maybe he could stay longer and it could just be the two of them for the rest of the week when the kids went back to school.
Toby wanted it badly. He took the plate out of Elliot's hands and put it in the sink, laid his hands on that broad chest. "Think about it. Snow. Fireplace. The rush of the wind going down a black run just after dawn." It had been ten, maybe fifteen years, but Toby was sure it was like riding a bike.
Elliot looked at him like he was mad. "Toby, I can't ski."
"Really?" Of course he couldn't. When would he have learned? Toby felt like an ass. He hated reminding Elliot of his privileged childhood. "I'll teach you."
Elliot's grimace suggested that wasn't likely, but it wasn't an outright no. "You really want me to come?"
"Of course I do." Toby had been practising this argument since the idea occurred to him yesterday. Elliot tipped his head, actually considering it, and Toby squeezed his hand. "You don't have to answer now. Just think about it."
end chapter 52
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