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drsquidlove
Someone Like You
by Dr Squidlove
drsquidlove @@@ livejournal.com
Oz/Law & Order: SVU crossover
Tobias Beecher's trying to rebuild his family in the shadow of the man he was in prison. Elliot Stabler's struggling to continue in the wake of divorce while his job eats away at his soul. It makes for an odd friendship, but it works.
This is the end, foiks.
Complete story wordcount: 250 500
I know one shouldn't be chasing wordcount, but... Yeeeeeaaaah.
Rated R for violence and explicit references to sexual violence.
Wordcount this post: 6233
Gawd. Posting the last chapter is harder than posting the first. No pressure for a big sex scene, or anything. ~big eyes~ But I think if you'd really been paying attention, you'd be anticipating their final meal.
Huge extra thank you to barbana and haru, for delicious art along the way. The banner above is by the amazing barbana. (There's one more barbana piece to come, but tragically she has a life of her own, and it isn't ready.) The picture at the top of the story is by haru.
Full headers are on chapter 1.
Oz is the property of Tom Fontana and HBO. Law & Order: SVU is the property of Dick Wolf and NBC. The characters are used without permission, but with much appreciation.
Someone Like You
chapter 63: Cake
by Dr Squidlove
Previously, in chapter 62, Golden:
Elliot woke to find the universe was chasing up Holly's toboggan accident trauma with a storm. Luckily, Elliot knew the solution to this problem: Golden Girls and hot chocolate. All the family ended up shuffling downstairs for the midnight party, and it was lovely.
After sending the kids home, Toby went skiing. He came home expecting sex, and was disappointed to be served a formal dinner. More so, with Elliot looking super-sexy in his shirt and tie. Dinner table conversation topics (sooo much conversation) included but were not limited to: whether Elliot was feminising Toby with his romance, whether Elliot could handle Toby in drag if Toby wanted to which he didn't, Elliot's return to SVU, a potential date to a wedding in May, and that Elliot, in fact, has a mother.
Sketch by Haru
At last, they left behind dressing up and coming out and thank god, Elliot's mother. Maybe Toby still thought the candles and formal settings were silly, but he kept it to himself, and dinner finally settled into the easy conversation Elliot had hoped for. College pranks versus the training academy, more of Toby's Vermont memories. This was what Elliot had been craving tonight: Toby with the pressure off, relaxed and witty, the simmering heat of sex filling the space between them. He loved the way Toby glowed as he described skiing down the black runs this morning. It made Elliot want to find a thousand subtle ways to make Toby feel like that all over again.
Now Elliot could get back to his real plan for the evening: enjoying Toby's company and savouring the anticipation. While he'd been shopping and cooking, all Elliot could think about was tonight. He'd gotten hard walking down the pharmacy aisle at the grocery store, thinking about nudging Toby's tie aside and popping the buttons one at a time on that four hundred dollar blue shirt, pressing his face to the skin beneath. The old Greek woman at the bakery had asked him if the cake was for a celebration, and some adolescent part of his brain had thought, yeah, I'm going to have a go at anal sex tonight.
He hadn't been this nervous about sex since... Since the first time he sucked Toby's cock, anyway. That had worked out more than fine. He could have done without Toby's reminder of darker days, that wrench back to seeing Toby hunched on his couch, bruised and bloody from being used. That was what the notion of Toby in a dress evoked in Elliot's mind. Nothing feminine or gentle or proud or sexy. Thank god that wasn't what Toby wanted from him. And thank god work was about as far away as it could be.
Elliot had some butterflies doing loops in his stomach, but when he thought about how good Toby's tongue felt pressed inside him, he was willing to try. Elliot had to trust Toby wouldn't let Elliot hurt him.
Toby's eyes crinkled as he laughed again. He slid his knife and fork together and sat back, hands on his stomach. "Dinner was great. Thank you."
"You're welcome."
There was a strange hesitation. "I really appreciate it..."
Elliot held his breath. "But?"
Toby delicately licked his lips, and it was no accident at all. "Would you mind if we skipped dessert? I've been thinking about getting your clothes off since I got home. Since... Actually, pretty much all day. I was skiing the slopes all morning with a hard-on."
Elliot felt the smile spread across his face. His own cock twitched in favour. "Yeah. We can postpone dessert. I cheated, anyway. I was going to cook something, but the bakery had a layered chocolate mousse cake and it looked-"
"Chocolate mousse cake?" Toby leaned forward like he might climb over the table, eyes wide. "From the little bakery in the middle of the strip mall on Parker Street?"
"Yeah. Run by a little old Greek couple."
"It's still there? I loved that cake." He sat back. "Sex can wait."
Elliot almost laughed, until he realised Toby had a straight face. "Really?"
"Have you tasted it? Elliot, I used to dream about their chocolate mousse cake." He pushed his chair back. "We're eating dessert. But we're eating it on the couch, because I don't want to spend another hour staring at you from all the way over here."
Elliot took an extra couple of seconds to stand, while Toby loaded himself up for the trip to the kitchen. He really was serious. Elliot wasn't sure if he was insulted or pleased. He stood as well, piling plates in his arms. "This isn't going to be some sex-food thing, is it? I draw the line at smearing cake all over you."
"No, I'm good with eating it out of a bowl."
All right, then. Curling up with his feet pressed in Toby's lap sounded pretty good to Elliot. He could find out how long it would take to distract Toby from food.
They bussed the table together, Toby pausing in the kitchen to crack open the cake box with a glazed expression something like what Elliot had been planning to put on his face tonight. Elliot pressed up against him. "Is it tragic of me to be jealous of a cake?"
Toby smiled and turned in his arm until their half-hard cocks rubbed, making them both groan. "Tell me after you've tasted the cake."
Elliot kissed him and then nudged him back towards the pile of dirty dishes before they forgot what they were doing. Elliot boxed up leftovers while Toby distributed dishes between the sink and the dishwasher, somehow ending up in the same places constantly. Elliot could feel Toby's smile as they brushed past again.
Elliot closed the fridge and enjoyed the view of Toby bent over the bottom drawer of the dishwasher, firm round ass hugged by soft suit pants. He wondered if it would be too much to step up behind him and slide his cock up the valley between.
Toby grunted and braced himself against the counter as he straightened. "My ass is killing me." He rubbed it, and Elliot was pretty sure it was completely unselfconscious.
Elliot reached down to shut the dishwasher door and gathered Toby close, slid his own hands down to grab each cheek in a handful. "Show me where the knots are."
Toby's head fell forward on his shoulder. "Right there."
Elliot bunched his hands and rubbed, felt Toby give over completely with a groan. He reached a little lower and dug his fingers into Toby's hard thighs, cock filling at the sound Toby made. "How about there?"
"Yeah." A couple of minutes and Toby whispered, "Higher," so Elliot slid his hands up over those delicious buttocks to the bottom of his back, tracing lines just below his belt. Maybe it was time to take that off. "Lower." Back to Toby's ass, digging into his cheeks until Toby whispered, "In between."
Elliot took a sharp breath, nervy and aroused. He slid his fingers up the seam of Toby's pants. "You want me in here, Toby?"
"You have no idea."
Elliot buried his other hand in Toby's hair and used it to lift Toby's head into a kiss, wet and deep and hungry, his fingers playing up and down Toby's crack as Toby humped against him, but they couldn't get any deeper with pants in the way.
Toby finally started pushing Elliot towards the living room, turning them around and undoing Elliot's tie at the same time he pulled him by it. "Right here."
Elliot backed him towards the stairs instead. "In bed." Toby resisted until Elliot growled in his ear, "I'm going to fuck you in bed, like we're civilised men." Just as Elliot predicted, it only took a little dirty talk to have his way.
Toby led the way up the stairs, undoing his belt as he went, and Elliot had a perfect view of his swinging ass. Toby put a foot on the landing and on a random whim Elliot caught his hips and held him and leaned in to bite the bottom of his cheek and Toby's head fell back with a "Fuck, El."
And then Elliot brushed his thumbs over like he was spreading him, leaned in once more and grazed his teeth right down the seam between, close enough to feel Toby's legs tremble. He climbed up behind him and crowded him along the hall, reaching around to pop the fly and slide the zip, turning Toby around as they went through the door, pushing him back to fall on the bed.
Toby lay sprawled and flushed, hair messed, tie crooked, thick pink cock rising out of his open pants.
"No underwear, Toby?"
"Seemed like a waste of time, until I realised my pants are going to have to be dry cleaned now. I've been painting trails inside." His smile was wicked.
Elliot stood in front of Toby and slid his tie out of his collar and dropped it on the floor. Started tugging his shirt out of his pants.
Toby undid his cufflinks and carefully laid them on the bedside table, eyes never leaving Elliot's slow strip. "Whose idea was it to wear so many clothes?"
"Mine. So all through dinner I could fantasise about taking them off one piece at a time." He slid off his shirt and sent it after his tie.
"One piece at a time is too fucking slow." Toby lifted his feet to yank off both his socks at once.
Elliot didn't think so. "We have days to ourselves."
"If you make me wait days to feel your cock in my ass I'll kill you."
Days was an exaggeration but Elliot was going to take his time tonight. He went to his knees at the side of the bed and nuzzled his face against Toby's cock, tugging his pants wide and burying his nose in the tangle of hair where he smelled best. He dragged his pants down his thighs so he could rub his freshly-shaved jaw over Toby's delicate balls, feel them rolling in their furry sac. Toby was arching, searching for his mouth but Elliot kept his lips to himself. He was covering himself in the scent of Toby's sex, wildly turned on by the damp streak Toby's cock drew along his cheek.
He dragged the pants down and off and lumbered up, pushing Toby's dress shirt up to his throat and pressing his face to his abdomen, all the muscles bunching under his cheek as Elliot dragged his body up Toby's, letting his furred chest catch in Toby's bush, tickle his sensitive cock.
Toby was busy scrambling at his shirt buttons, clearing a path for Elliot to kiss his way up his chest. Toby's cock dug into Elliot's stomach as Elliot found a tight, sharp nipple, giving it all the tongue and teeth and suction Toby had wanted below. Toby was writhing and begging, and Elliot was drunk on the power of this one tiny spot. Toby's legs had spread to wrap around him, heels digging into the backs of his thighs, and Elliot's own cock was pressing air and he was suddenly acutely aware of how close he was to where he was going. A few inches higher and Elliot was close enough to meet Toby's lips, and he only had to curl his hips and the bulge of his cock was pressing up against Toby's balls, and it wanted inside. The thought of it made Elliot's own balls ache with some primal urge to empty himself as deep as he could, to leave a piece of himself inside Toby.
"Please, El." Elliot's desire was dwarfed by the need in Toby's eyes.
Toby really wanted this. Elliot pulled away and tugged open his belt, dropped everything in one go as Toby tossed aside his tie and shirt. He was fucking beautiful. The muscular chest, the flat belly, the hard cock and hanging balls, every hair and scar.
Toby played with his erection, pinched the head and gave it a few loose strokes, impatient. It looked almost painful, iron-hard and flushed red. Elliot was turned on but the thread of worry still held him back. He was tumbling between years of ugliness and Toby's shameless hunger. Toby wasn't delicate, but that didn't mean Elliot was willing to treat him like something rough. He had to make this everything Toby wanted. He had to last.
"Roll over for me."
Toby flipped over without hesitation, and Elliot crawled onto the bed, kneeling astride Toby's knees. He ran his hands over Toby's ass, careful not to avoid or press the swastika Vern had left behind. This was the first time Toby had ever let him see it so close, all rough edges from slow, brutal work. Elliot spread Toby's cheeks, his first good look at the hair trailing up his crack and licked him before Toby could feel his hesitation. Toby bucked up against his face.
Toby had pushed past the branding; Elliot could too.
When Toby licked Elliot's ass it was the opposite of degrading. It was worship. That's what Elliot was going to give Toby tonight. Toby was going to feel something of how Elliot felt inside, of this achingly protective tenderness.
Elliot ran his hands over Toby's ass again, squeezed it and followed all the way down Toby's thighs. "Still aching from all that skiing?"
"Yeah."
So Elliot took a little lube as a substitute for oil and spread it over Toby's lower back and legs. He didn't need to ask if Toby would want a heavy touch; he just dug into the muscles until Toby groaned, pausing every now and then to part his cheeks and lick at his hairy asshole. It was so tight, Elliot couldn't imagine how his cock would get inside, let alone feel good, but he was going to block out everything else tonight and trust Toby. He went back to squeezing his thighs, loving the squirms and sighs as he searched out the knots and loosened them, and then he dipped back in and did the same with his tongue.
Elliot rubbed his face against Toby's slicked ass cheek and Toby's whole body shuddered. It was the rough of his jaw. Elliot rubbed his whole face against him, wanted to laugh at the joyful reaction he got. He'd have to try this some day when he hadn't shaved.
Toby was saying his name, over and over again. "Yes, El," and "God, El," and "Love you, El," and Elliot could hear between the words that he wanted to ask for more but wasn't going to push so Elliot put a thumb to his ass and rubbed, felt Toby's entire body sink in pleasure. Elliot wanted to hear him talk, say all the things he was holding back, loosen that potty mouth to say things that would send all Elliot's blood to his cock and his cheeks, so he said, "You want me in here, Toby?"
"Yes."
"Tell me."
"You want to hear it, El?"
"Yeah."
"Get your fingers inside me and I'll tell you."
Elliot took plenty of lube and covered his fingers, circled a couple and pressed but there was no give. He didn't want to hurt him.
"Do it."
"You're sure?" It didn't feel like he could.
"Please."
A little harder and suddenly they sank into his body, and Toby's moan was unearthly. Elliot thought he'd done something wrong but he looked closer at Toby's face, pushed sideways against the pillow. Bliss. He was so hot inside, and the clamp on Elliot's fingers... He couldn't fit his cock in here without hurting him.
"El... Think about you all the time. You don't know how much I want you. Want this. Want to feel you so close to me, so deep. Don't stop. Don't stop."
Elliot realised he'd stopped to listen and his fingers jerked deeper than he meant to but Toby only gave another one of those moans. "Love you, Toby."
"Love you."
Elliot worked Toby's ass loose to a chorus of love and praise, watching his shining fingers disappear with fascination until Toby begged him for more.
"Promise you'll tell me if it's uncomfortable."
"Do it. Want that thick cock of yours to stretch me open."
Not yet. Elliot carefully tucked a third finger inside, watched Toby's ass give easily to the extra invasion, finally started to believe this might not have to hurt.
Toby bit his lip and whimpered as Elliot pushed in and out and twisted. He wanted to be sure Toby was ready.
"Your cock, El. Your cock."
All right. Elliot let his fingers slip out, wiped them on the cloth he'd left on the nightstand earlier. "Can we... Is it comfortable if you lie on your back?" Elliot wanted to be staring at Toby's face, not that fucking brand.
"Fuck, yes." Toby was rolling over as he said it, hands on his shins pulling his knees to his chest, shameless. And then reaching for Elliot, pulling him by his neck until he could shove his tongue in Elliot's mouth, sloppy and wet, then whispering in his ear, "Fill me up."
Harder to be nervous when Toby was this eager, but not impossible. Elliot shoved away all the forensic reports that threatened to creep in and wrapped a hand around his cock and lined himself up, unsure of the angle he was going for, unsure how hard he should press.
"You're not going to do it wrong, Elliot. Just push."
"You're sure?"
"Please. Please."
So Elliot pushed, and then he pushed harder and Toby's ass gave way, swallowing the head of his cock in one gulp.
"Wait!"
Shit. "Am I hurting you?"
Toby didn't answer right away and Elliot started to pull back but Toby grabbed his hip. "No. Not hurting. Just want to feel you."
"Is it good for you?" Elliot prayed it was good because he didn't want to move. The clamp of Toby's ass felt sensational.
"Yes. Fuck. Yes." Toby's eyes were closed and he wasn't moving except for the heave of his chest, like he'd just run a mile. He opened his eyes. "You okay?"
"Yeah." Elliot's voice was hoarse.
Toby smiled, like he knew how much that 'yeah' was understating it.
"Are you sure..."
"Been a while." Toby tightened on him and Elliot gasped, and Toby grinned. Squeezed again, pulling Elliot way closer to coming, and his own face relaxed in pleasure.
"I don't think I'm going to last long."
"Don't come."
"I don't think I can-"
Toby pinched his nipple hard.
"Ow! What?" That took care of the danger. Ow.
"I didn't wait all these months for a two minute fuck." Toby smiled, mischievous. "Need me to pinch you again?"
"No, that did the trick."
"Go on. Nice and slow. Want you to feel every inch."
Elliot could do slow. A little further in, a little less out. A little more in, feeling that sharp pressure creep down his cock as Toby frowned and sighed like it was everything he wanted, slow, slow, until Elliot was all the way, balls-deep in Toby, and it was... sacred. He could feel himself sliding deeper in love, like he was rolling down a huge hill, out of control, picking up speed. He looked Toby in the eye. "This was what you were talking about."
A smile spread slowly across Toby's face. He tugged Elliot closer and kissed him, nothing but soft, brushing lips. "I'm so full of you right now. Got you deep inside me."
Yes. That was just how it was.
They stayed right there for a minute, feeling it, sharing small kisses while Elliot's blood pumped all the way inside Toby's body, and then Toby's hand spread across Elliot's cheek. "Fuck me, El. However you want, it's going to be good for me. Fast, slow, deep, shallow, I'm going to love it."
Elliot pulled almost all the way out, savouring the grip of Toby's body, and then pushed steadily all the way in, watching Toby's face contort in pleasure. This was good. Out and in, taking his time, not wanting to miss a single detail of the way Toby's body clenched around his cock, a single shift of Toby's fingers clutching his back, any small hitch in his breath.
"Is this okay?" Elliot could see that it was, pushed in again as he asked, but asking was a compulsion.
"It's perfect."
In again, grinding his hips to get deeper. "Sorry I keep asking."
"Don't be sorry. I love that you ask."
Elliot was propping himself up, wanting to see all of it: Toby's face, Toby's body, his own cock dipping inside. Wishing he had four extra hands to touch him with.
"Wait a moment." Toby pushed him back until Elliot slid out. "Try this." A little awkward manoeuvring until Elliot was on his knees and Toby's feet were on Elliot's shoulders, his own knees bent and spread and now Elliot could see everything, the whole sexy, masculine package. He put his cock to Toby's ass and pushed back in, so much deeper this way, and Toby's face screwed up like Elliot was rearranging stuff inside him.
"Is this good?"
"Better than good. Love your cock, baby."
"Say my name."
Toby opened his eyes. "Elliot. You don't even know how good your cock feels. All the way up here, El." Toby rubbed his stomach, and Elliot realised that was where he was, the head of his cock somewhere under Toby's hand. Elliot slid his own hand beneath and thrust again, fancied he could feel himself inside, though it was probably Toby's muscles tensing against him. That was hot, too. Elliot left his hand there and started slow, but Toby's encouraging moans and dirty words were all he needed to know he could pick up the pace, and soon he was drilling Toby hard and steady, feeling Toby's belly shift under his hand, watching his own cock disappear into that tight, tender place. It seemed to be grasping for him, as greedy as Toby had promised.
Elliot let the last of his worries go and enjoyed it, loved it, the base pleasure of pushing his cock somewhere tight, the incredible beauty of Toby's hard, sweating body, the lust in his begging and moans, the love in his eyes. He pushed Toby's legs aside so he could press against him, feel Toby's whole body lifting to meet him, so Toby's arms and legs could wrap around him and drag him deeper, closer, their sweating bodies sliding against each other.
Toby whispered, "Love you," and kissed him, messy and wet, fingers clutching Elliot's damp back and digging into his ass. Elliot pushed and Toby let out a breathy little whimper that curled Elliot's toes. "Just there baby, yes." So Elliot worked right there, trying angles until he had Toby crying out on every thrust, desperate sounds like nothing Elliot had pulled out of him before.
Elliot could hardly think past the heat on his cock, the weight in his balls, that ancient need to spill himself deep inside Toby's body, a caveman desire that didn't seem to mind if this was a woman or man. "Gonna fill you up, Toby." The words came out as a growl. "Gonna come deep inside you. Is that what you want?"
"Please."
Toby had never been so beautiful as he was right now, bouncing under Elliot's thrusts, eyes glazed, mouth hanging open, hair dark with sweat. Until his eyes suddenly screwed shut and he groaned long and so damned loud, all the warning Elliot had before his ass locked down on Elliot's cock, unbelievable pressure bordering on pain but Elliot couldn't stop digging deeper, fighting for more of that groan. The moment Toby released him Elliot's body surged, balls lifting high, the moan wrenched from his toes as he shot pulse after pulse deep inside Toby's body.
He stayed there, locked in place, breathless, until his soft cock slipped free. He slowly subsided, and lay like a rag on Toby's chest, panting, feeling Toby panting under him. He was sure he was too heavy but he wasn't moving until Toby made him. He wanted to kiss that salty shoulder, but it was two inches away, and that was too far. "God."
Toby's breath rushed out, and his body shook beneath Elliot's with silent laughter. "Yeah."
That was so far from what he'd been afraid of.
Maybe he could even...his guts twisted, but he wriggled off Toby's back and pushed him onto his side, pulling him close again so their sweaty legs tangled, and their noses almost touched. There was something like peace in Toby's eyes. Even though it scared the hell out of him, Elliot wondered whether what they'd just done could do the same for him. More than that, he couldn't be the kind of prick in bed that would take what he couldn't give. "If you want..." Elliot froze up and paused, struggling to push himself to find some phrasing that he could make himself say out loud.
"Even if you asked, I wouldn't give it to you yet."
The pin-prick of disappointment was a surprise. "Why?"
Toby ran a finger along his arm. "You're curious, but you're not ready. If I ever fuck you-" Elliot knew he used the word just to make Elliot's ass clench, and he succeeded, "-it's not going to be for me, because you want to prove something. It's not going to be a decision, some analytical calculation or summoning of courage. It's going to be all about you. It's going to be you, greedy, needy and desperately begging for me to fill you up, barely caring what I want out of it. It's going to be your legs spread wide and your hands dragging me closer and you're not even thinking about coming; you'll just want me to crawl so deep inside you there'll always be something left behind in there."
"Fuck, Toby."
Toby reached down to grope him, just to prove he had Elliot stirring again. "There's no rush. One day you're going to give it to me, but I hope it takes months to get you there. I don't mind if the anticipation builds for years."
Elliot enjoyed a few light caresses and then pushed his hand away. "You're not going to get me anywhere tonight." But maybe he would, after months of sex like this. Elliot couldn't see himself begging like Toby described, but he could imagine asking for it. Eventually. At least now he was curious about how it had felt for Toby, if it was like Toby just described. He was damned glad no one was in a rush.
Toby closed his eyes, smiling. Elliot was sexy as hell when he got all shy like that, and it was all the better watching that first tentative wavering. Elliot was going to let Toby fuck his ass one day, and Toby just might wear his own cock out planning for it.
In the meantime, Elliot could fuck him like that as often as he wanted.
Toby purred when Elliot shifted and a damp cloth wiped over him, cleaning away the spunk and sweat. Elliot had prepared for this like some kind of dirty boy scout. Elliot rolled him over onto his front and Toby let himself sprawl, groaning at the broad wet strokes from his back to his thighs. The towel dipped gently between Toby's cheeks, and he barely caught his hiss.
He knew Elliot tensed behind him anyway. "Did I hurt you?"
"No. You were fantastic."
Elliot climbed off the bed, and a moment later a pile of clothes landed on Toby's back. He pressed up on his elbows, looking around to find Elliot was half-dressed already - skipping his briefs - and Toby was lying between sweatpants and couple of sweaters.
"Elliot, where are you going?"
"Get dressed."
That sounded like a terrible idea, but Toby swung his legs around to sit up, and dragged on the t-shirt Elliot had given him. "Where are we going?" Pants - no boxers - sweaters, socks.
"To get dessert."
Toby was moving under his own steam, but barely. He'd forgotten what it was like, to feel this well-fucked. "I could have waited in that comfortable, warm bed while you fetched it for me. That would have been romantic."
Elliot kissed him, and pushed him towards the stairs. "I'm going to teach you about romance." Elliot was irresistible like this, but Toby really wouldn't have minded putting off cake in favour of staying naked and drowsy and wrapped in Elliot's heat, savouring the aftermath. Thinking about the way Elliot's eyes widened as he sank inside Toby's body. God, that moan as he pushed in. The growing confidence from tentative rocking to driving his cock home. Fucking Elliot was a long term project, but he wasn't going to have any trouble getting Elliot to fuck him again.
"Anyway," said Elliot, "we're going to have to change those sheets."
That was true. And besides, cake. And now they were up, so... Toby led the way to the stairs, catching his breath on the first step down at the burn in his ass and trying to hide it, but Elliot jerked him to a stop with a yank on the neck of his sweater.
"Did you see this?" Elliot was staring at the family pictures hung beside the stairs.
Toby climbed back up. A new picture was sticky-taped to the wall at the top of the series, beside Angus's youngest's: a lumpy Toby with Harry beside him. The yellow-haired Holly was unusually short, but she was there. A tall grey-haired couple stood beside Harry.
Toby swallowed, and an arm slid around him. "I never even asked him to do it."
"I'm guessing it was Holly's idea," Elliot said gently, pointing down.
Toby couldn't answer. A piece of paper had been taped over the front of Holly's old family picture. It was her careful style, good enough that a stranger would have recognised Toby and Holly in the centre of the couch, curled up together. Elliot was on the other side, an arm around Toby, and Harry sat on the floor in front of them. The three girls and boy sitting around them were rougher, but it wasn't difficult to guess. Even Olivia, off to the side. Most of the people in the picture had steaming mugs in their hands. Elliot pulled Toby close and leaned down to kiss his cheek. "It really is the Brady Bunch." There were windows behind them, one with a lightning bolt streaking through like an afterthought. And now he looked, at the edge of her picture was the start of the stairs, just enough to catch the first drawing on the wall: not a family, just a smiling eight year-old boy.
Toby looked up at Harry's, realised what was missing from both. "The last time Gen visited me in prison, she told me Holly had drawn a picture of the family, and I wasn't in it."
He felt Elliot's stare. "Why would she tell you that?"
Toby shrugged. Because that's what she thought he deserved, but he'd been drowning in so much hate in Oz, he hadn't recognised her tepid contempt. Now she was the one forgotten, and he couldn't help the tiniest thrill of revenge. Mostly, though, he just felt sad for her. She'd given all this up.
Elliot's arm slid around his shoulders, and nudged him on. "Let's get some cake."
Elliot trailed after Toby. Genevieve must have hated him, to tell him something like that when he was already so far from his kids. Elliot couldn't imagine Toby not being the centre of Holly's life, had somehow assumed she'd spent all those prison years focused on him the way she was now. He remembered, Toby said he hadn't seen his kids at all for the first year, or maybe it was two. Two years was a long time for kids as young as that.
As soon as they got to the kitchen Toby flipped open the cake box and drooled over it while Elliot pulled out bowls and forks, preening a little. He'd scored major points with the cake.
He touched Toby's hair to guide him out of the way, but somehow it became turning Toby around and kissing him, delicate kisses, like he couldn't go soft enough or slow enough to tell Toby how he felt. He felt like he... believed in Toby, in a way he hadn't before. The way Toby had looked at him as Elliot worked his way inside... Elliot never needed to be afraid he wasn't enough for him.
Toby's eyes were gentle as they parted. He stared at Elliot's mouth as he chewed his lip. "Give me my cake."
Elliot smiled. He cut two huge slices and loaded them into the bowls, and snatched them away as Toby reached for one. "We're going to eat these outside."
Toby stared. "Elliot, it's freezing out there."
"So rug up. We're going outside." He kept possession of the bowls and led the way to the front door.
Toby was trailing after him, waiting for a punch line. Elliot put the bowls on the entrance table and passed him a coat and scarf, and then jammed his father's fur flying hat over his head. Toby shot him a look, but Elliot pretended not to notice as he wound a scarf around his own neck, wrapping his coat around it and digging his woollen cap out of the pocket. Toby stared at the cake like a dog denied scraps.
Elliot reached for the door handle. "You ready?"
"You're certifiable."
"I'm romantic."
"I'm an old-fashioned guy. You can woo me by taking my clothes off."
Toby had no idea how cute his pouting was. "I didn't do an eight-year degree in masturbation. I need some recuperation time after sex like that."
Elliot cradled the cake in his arm as he pressed Toby out the door. The cold was like a slap in the face after the warm house, damp and still but ice slithered into all the crevices where Elliot hadn't tied his scarf tight enough, or pulled his socks high. He yanked the door shut to keep the heat in.
Toby looked back at him, eyes pools of black in the gloom. "The switch for the front light is just inside the door."
"Don't need it." The streetlight a couple of houses down was enough that they wouldn't fall on their faces. Elliot linked his free elbow through Toby's and led him to the edge of the porch and down two steps, feeling Toby's scepticism the whole time.
"You made sure the dor was unlocked, right?"
"I did."
"If we try to get back in two minutes from now and we're locked-"
"Look up."
A withering gaze at Elliot, and then Toby looked up. "Oh." Elliot saw the breath rush out of him, the same way it had rushed out of Elliot when he stepped out to make a phone call the other night. He forgot, living in the city, that the stars could look so unbelievably crisp. The Milky Way was splashed across pure black, the sky so crowded with light that Elliot could barely pick out the constellations. There was Corona Borealis. And Bootes, with Arcturus standing out against the rest.
Even so, it was Toby that had Elliot's attention, his mouth open, his eyes shining in the starlight. It was better than Elliot had hoped. "I wasn't sure if you'd been out of the city since you got out."
Toby shook his head, eyes tracking across the sky.
"There's supposed to be a meteor shower tonight."
Toby finally looked down, scoping out the steps and then sitting with a hiss.
Bile rose in Elliot's throat. "I did hurt you."
"I went skiing this morning, remember?"
Of course. Thank god.
Toby stretched out his legs, one at a time with an exaggerated groan for each. "You know how good it feels when you push your muscles like that."
"Yeah." Elliot quietly loved the aftermath of a good workout. Feeling the twinge every time he reached or bent the wrong way, cursing his age and then doing it again just to savour the ache.
Toby reached up and tugged Elliot's hand, bringing him around to sit on the cold step below him, between his knees. He leaned against Elliot's back to breathe in his ear, "Same with fucking. You just gave my asshole an incredible workout. I can feel where you've been."
Elliot snorted.
"I love it. I keep squirming to feel it more." Toby wriggled against him, with another happy groan. "Now give me my cake."
The grumpy voice made Elliot smile. He could live with that description. The arm that reached over his shoulder to pull him back into the cradle of Toby's body made him smile more. He relaxed against him, let Toby hold his weight and stared up at the endless sky as he passed back the bowl. Toby wedged it against his neck. Fine by Elliot if it meant that arm was free to stay wrapped over his chest. There were thick layers of pullovers and scarves and coats between them, but Elliot could swear he felt the heat of Toby's skin against his back, the muscles of Toby's thighs under his ribs. He felt the crisp cold air against his nose and ears but the rest of him was warm. Elliot draped an arm over Toby's leg, rested his bowl on Toby's knee, and finally cracked his fork through the chocolate shell to the layers of mousse and rich dark cake. He took a bite. "Wow."
"It's better than how I remember," Toby said quietly.
Elliot didn't know if he meant the cake or the stars, and didn't care. He took another bite and let the smooth-sweet chocolate melt on his tongue. He rested his head back against Toby's shoulder, staring up at old light from millions of stars, billions of light years away. The rattle of a distant train echoed, the sound carrying miles in the still night.
Click on image for larger version.
end chapter 63
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