Sinking 10/10 - Oz: Beecher/Murphy
Mar. 1st, 2017 12:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
drsquidloveSinking
by Dr Squidlove
drsquidlove@livejournal.com
Beecher didn't fuck up his parole buying drugs for Bonnie. Yay, everything is awesome! Only... he's maybe not handling his parole as well as other people think he is. Meanwhile, Sean Murphy's been pining after Tim McManus for too damned long. Even so, the two of them hooking up for a blow job is about the worst idea possible.
Beecher/Murphy, with sidelines in Beecher/Keller and McManus/Murphy
Rated R for considerable amounts of fucking.
Wordcount this chapter: 2911
Total wordcount: 29 920
Oz and all its characters are the property of Tom Fontana and HBO. I make no profit, and intend as little infringement as I possibly can.
Sinking 10/10
by Dr Squidlove
In chapter 9, Sean was dodging Tim's calls. He checked in on Toby, and they managed some almost civilised small talk, and Sean walked away from temptation. But one earful of whining from Tim and Sean crumbled, straight back inside for some animal fucking.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Tim came into the break room and froze when he saw it was just the two of them.
Sean stood up, and Tim seemed to spread out to block the exit. "Sean, will you just..."
Sean sighed. Yeah. It had been a week. He sat down, and took another sip from his coffee. "Hey."
Tim slid into the other chair. "I'm sorry, all right? But I sorted things out with Beth." Of course he did. Women always forgave him in the end. "She's fine, and you're still pissed at me."
"I ain't pissed at you." He was resigned. He was tired. A little disgusted. But he had to stop being surprised that Tim was Tim.
"Sure seems like it. You haven't talked to me in a week."
"We talked this morning."
Tim threw up his hands. "We sorted rosters this morning. We didn't talk!"
What he meant was that he didn't talk about himself while Sean listened. But they'd been friends since they were kids, and that had to mean something. Sean drew breath to speak but Tim suddenly leaned in, attention zeroed on Sean's lips like some teenage wet dream.
"Did someone clock you in the mouth?"
"What?"
Tim reached for Sean's face and Sean jerked back. His mouth. He hadn't thought Toby's damage was still noticeable.
"I caught a stray elbow when we were shunting Kiernan off to the Hole yesterday." He fingered the bruise on his lip, pressed it to his teeth and his cock stirred. He was going to have to be careful showering here for the next couple of days, or he'd need an excuse for his skinned knees, too.
He'd been half-hard at the feel of his work pants chafing his knees as he watched Chris from the control levels, just as Toby expected.
Tim was looking at him strangely. He had to fix this. "You want to go for a beer tonight?"
A smile started, and stopped, and Tim's eyes slid sideways. "Tonight? Uh, I've got a date tonight."
Sean snorted. "Sure you do."
"She's not from Oz. I met her grocery shopping. We got to chatting over lettuce." Tim shuffled his feet. "She doesn't work here."
Sean tipped back the last of his coffee and stood up. "Maybe another day."
"I could break the date. Sean..."
"It's fine, Tim. We'll go some other night." He gave his mug a fast rinse and dumped it on the rack. Looked back to see Tim staring after him with sad eyes. It didn't move him like it used to. Sean'd be better off heading over to Toby's, to get his cock sucked.
Sean smiled, and Tim smiled back, and Sean headed back to Em City.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Sean was strolling back to the control desk when he heard him through the open pod door. "Hey, Officer Murphy."
He turned to look and stopped. Heaved a sigh and averted his eyes. "What is it?"
Keller was reclining in the bottom bunk, titty mag spread across his bare thighs, tugging his dick. "You seen Toby lately?"
Sean should have cracked a joke and left, shown Keller he couldn't be drawn into any kind of pissing contest - that's what sensible Sean would have done a couple of months back.
He didn't. He folded his arms and painted something like boredom on his face. "I stopped by. Beecher was sober." Beecher, he reminded himself. Beecher, not Toby. "He could probably use a job that doesn't make him feel like a lowlife, and he could definitely use a year or two of charm school."
Keller's hand slowed and he grunted. "How did he look?"
How many times had Toby sucked that cock? It was never gonna happen again. Sean was stuck between feeling bad for Keller and feeling smug. This was why he had to keep his distance. "How did he look?" Sean parrotted.
Keller wet his lips, slowed his hand. "How'd he look? What's his house like? Describe it for me." He closed his eyes.
"I ain't playing your games, Keller." Sean turned to go but before he'd gone two steps he heard the creak of Keller bouncing off the bed, and the sweep of sweatpants. He turned again before Keller could get too close to his back.
"I was just asking. You said you were gonna keep an eye on him for me."
"Well that's funny, 'cos I don't recall saying any such thing. What I do recall is saying I didn't want any part in it."
"Is Toby fucking around on me?"
Every hair on Sean's body stood on end. "What?" Panic had to be glowing in his face like a flare. "Cancel that, I don't care."
"I need to know if Toby's fucking around."
"And I need you to stop with the stalking. I don't know how you got it in your head that I'm your personal manservant, but as you can see, I already got a job, and this one's got benefits." Sean stood tall, knew it wasn't going to impress Keller but he needed to look like he had no idea what Keller was talking about. Had to show him good old by-the-book Officer Murphy and then get the hell out of here as fast as he could. "Now I'm done here. You want someone to babysit him, you'd better recruit some other sucker. I don't have any kind of hankering to be the next casualty in your death match love life."
Keller's eyes narrowed, and Sean wanted to swallow his tongue. He hadn't meant- Had he given it away?
"Has Toby been telling tales?"
"I don't know what you're talking about." All those dead inmates flipped through Sean's mind as he tried his best to look like just a dumb hack, didn't mean anything by that.
Keller's voice went soft, dangerous. "You afraid I might take you down, Officer Murphy?"
He let that one go unanswered. If Keller ever imagined where Sean's dick had been, Sean was a dead man.
Keller relaxed, like he'd flipped a switch. "As long as you do right by Toby, you're safe with me." He bared his teeth, and Sean didn't feel safe at all. "But it's not like Toby ever needed me to take care of a hack for him." Chris wandered away, and Sean felt the ground lift under him, staggered by how easily be believed it.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
He'd made it to the end of the shift and he was two corridors from grabbing his bag and getting the hell out of-
"Sean!"
No.
Against all his instincts, Sean forced his steps to slow. "Hey, Sister." He'd been avoiding her the last couple of weeks, but after that chat with Chris this afternoon he had to fight the urge to yell an excuse over his shoulder and run.
He'd dug back through the reports, and this time he'd looked at murdered COs. This time only one name had stood out: Karl Metzger. Sean's predecessor.
Pete caught up and now he had to hurry to stay with her. "How are you, Sean?"
"Doin' fine." Aside from the clawing in his gut and the white noise roaring in his ears. "How are you, Sister?"
There was hardly any paperwork in the file; it was like there hadn't been any kind of investigation at all. Sean remembered Tim mentioning that he was sure Metzger was in with the Nazis, that he'd shoved Busmalis down the stairs and helped break Toby's arms and legs, but none of that was in there. There wasn't enough in there to reopen the case. There were a couple of photos, though, and they'd turned Sean's iron stomach. Metzger's face and throat had been shredded with an unknown weapon. Looked like a goddamn cheese grater.
Toby had done that. Sean could see the guy swinging a shiv, but those photos... that was some fucked-up shit.
"Death and destruction, all the usual. I've been wanting to ask, how is that friend of yours doing?"
"That friend?"
She cut him a look like he was playing the fool, and it still took a moment to put it together. He'd talked to her about Toby. About trying to help Toby.
"You do remember your friend with the addiction problem?"
Sean's friend, who murdered a fellow CO. The friend of hers, that Sean had been casually, enthusiastically fucking up the ass. "He's doing all right."
"You've been looking out for him?"
A bitter laugh tickled the back of Sean's throat. "Doing what I can. He isn't exactly a fan of being helped."
"Oh, I know that type."
Sean would bet she did.
She reached out and squeezed his wrist. "You're one of the good ones, Sean. I don't know what we'd do without you around here."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Sean called in sick for his next shift, and went to Toby's.
Toby opened the door and looked Sean over. "If you're not here to fuck me like you did the other day, don't waste my time."
"Tell me what happened to Karl Metzger."
The door swung shut in Sean's face, but Sean got his foot in first, followed it with the rest of him and barged right on in.
Toby rounded on him, looking scary as hell. "Get the fuck out."
Sean wished he had his night stick. "I ain't goin' anywhere. Tell me about Metzger."
"He was a Nazi cunt and the whole prison had a fucking party when that piece of shit showed up dead."
"And you, Toby?"
"I baked the cake." He spat it right in Sean's face.
"That's not all you did."
Toby held his eyes for just a moment, no more than four inches between them, and then he threw back his head and laughed. "You think I had the balls to kill a guard?"
"Yeah, I do."
Toby headed for the kitchen. "Good for me."
"I know you beat up Schillinger pretty good, about a year before I came."
"I didn't win any prizes for sneakiness." There was a half-made sandwich on the counter. Toby picked up the butter knife, and waved it at him. "You think I could kill you?"
"Yeah. I do."
"Well, what do you know, Bitcher finally got himself a reputation."
"That ain't something a man should feel good about."
Toby put the knife down. He laid a couple of slices of ham on his sandwich, a piece of cheese on top. "Depends whether he's trying to hold his head up in a law office cocktail party or a prison wing, doesn't it?"
He hadn't denied it. Hadn't confirmed it, either. What had Sean expected, a sworn statement?
Toby looked Sean over. "You know what I want to know?"
"No, I don't know what you want to know." And he probably didn't want to know, either.
Toby's fingers slid over the buckle of his belt, tugged it and carefully slipped it open. "I want to know if thinking I might have done it turns you on."
"It doesn't."
Button popped and zip down. "You sure?"
Sean was sure of that, but this floor show did in spite of it. "Keller was jerking off in front of me today." It burst out of Sean like Confession.
Toby raised an eyebrow, looking amused at Sean's discomfort. "That's Chris. No one can beat him in the art of sexual manipulation."
"He taught you well enough."
"Did that beautiful cock give you a hard-on?"
"Keller don't do it for me."
"But I do." Toby dropped his pants to his knees. "Was he jerking off like this?" Toby grabbed his cock and played it out, nailing Keller's style pretty damned well. "Were you thinking about how your cock's been the same places his has?"
Sean was certifiable, because he couldn't help wishing for just one more of those blow jobs. "Did you kill Metzger?"
"No, Sean, I didn't murder Metzger." Toby took his hand off his cock to rub it through his hair. "Did Chris tell you I did?"
Not in so many words, so Sean let his eyes do the talking.
Toby huffed. "Look... For Chris, lying is like breathing. You can't trust anything he says. I don't, and he likes me a hell of a lot more than he likes you."
"This is the guy you say you love."
"I do love him." He declared it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "If I got any lessons out of Oz, it's that love isn't simple. You know our story. He protected me and broke my bones, I loved him and shanked him. He tried to break my parole and I-"
"He what?"
Toby gave a little shrug, like that was no big deal. "You can't trust anything he tells you."
"What the hell do you mean, he tried to break your parole?" Sean was shaking with indignation, but Toby didn't have any more to say. "And you still trust him?"
Toby hitched his pants back up. "I trust that he loves me. He doesn't always do the best job of showing it, but neither do I." He stared off beyond the kitchen window, thinking along paths he'd worn deep. It must have been a hard place, in Toby's brain. "Maybe if I'd had a childhood like his, I'd be a pathological liar too. But I was raised by parents who loved me and gave me everything I wanted, and I ended up in the same place as him. So what does that tell you about me?" Curious eyes turned on Sean, like Sean might have some kind of answer. It was another thread in the muddle of Toby Beecher. This was the man Sister Pete cared about.
"How did he try to break your parole?"
"He set me up. Asked me to pick up a package for him. Drugs."
"He tried to get you done for trafficking?" Sean's voice jumped an octave. Like Keller wasn't enough of a cartoon villain already, he had to go and screw the one lowly fuck in the world that gave a shit about him? Again? And Sean had sent Toby back straight back into his arms. That was the man Sean was trusting to keep Toby on the straight and narrow. And Christ, look at what he'd done already. "Did he tell me you killed Metzger to get you thrown back in Oz?"
Toby's shoulders lifted and dropped. "If he did, he failed."
"You think that makes it okay?"
Toby looked around the kitchen like he was trying to remember what he was doing there. "Maybe part of me wanted to go." He laid the top slice of bread on his sandwich and wrapped up the rest of the cheese, screwed the lid on the mustard.
Sean could believe that, but he couldn't believe that made it okay. "You don't care that he lies to you?"
A quiet snort. "I care. But I'm not in a position to judge, am I?" He stopped fiddling and faced Sean. "I always lied for a reason. To get in more drinking time, to get Gen off my back, to earn promotions. Do you lie, Sean?"
Sean took a minute to think, realised he was thinking about lying right now. "Sometimes."
"Not often though, right? Just when you have to. You're a rare breed."
"I'm no angel."
"No. But you're a good man, and maybe that's even harder to find."
Sean swallowed hard. He couldn't remember the last time someone said something that made that heat bloom in his chest.
Toby leaned in and touched his lips to Sean's, and lingered. Sean wrapped his arms around Toby and pulled him closer, kissed him deeply, told his brain to shut up; just feel it, be wanted, even if it was only Toby Beecher, even if it was only for a few more minutes.
Just a few, though. He pulled away. "You've put your life on hold for Keller. You know you're waiting around for something that ain't ever gonna come. He ain't ever coming home to you. There is no happy ending."
"I love him enough to live with that."
He really did. And that kind of life sounded like a fucking waste to Sean. "I'm leaving. I'm moving back upstate."
Toby's eyes widened. "You're serious?"
"I got a security job with the university up in Rochester."
"You're getting out of the prison system." It might have been the first time Sean ever managed to surprise Toby.
"I'm putting in my resignation tomorrow." It was all typed up and sitting on his kitchen counter. He hadn't figured out how to tell Tim.
He'd already told his Ma, just to be sure he couldn't back out. She'd been so happy she cried. First question she'd asked was if he could be open about who he was, working at that university. He'd promised he would, and she'd cried again.
Toby mulled it over another minute. "It isn't going to do Oz any good, you leaving it to the likes of Howell and Lopresti."
"Yeah, well. A guy's only got so much soul to give away." It seemed like there should be more to say. Sean looked around, picked up the pen lying on the classifieds and scrawled his number in the margin. "That's me. You need anything... or you need someone to tell you not to pick up a bottle... you can call." He didn't look up, not wanting to see scorn in Toby's eyes. He dropped the pen and took himself to the door.
-----
the end
I have enormous love for comments. So much love! Brief ones or long ones, vague or specific. I write 'cos I'm chatty, and I miss long fannish chatty discussions.
And I'm totally cool with you slipping quietly away. But - and I have more anxiety about saying this than I do about writing the story - please not that 'I was here but I can't think of anything that was good about your story,' button. That button makes me so sad.
Thanks for enjoying the Murphy-journey!
And thank you everyone who participated in our glorious Murphy Appreciation Month!
More Squidfic can be found at
The Lecherous Tentacles of Dr Squidlove
http://members.iinet.net.au/~tentacles/squidfic.html
by Dr Squidlove
drsquidlove@livejournal.com
Beecher didn't fuck up his parole buying drugs for Bonnie. Yay, everything is awesome! Only... he's maybe not handling his parole as well as other people think he is. Meanwhile, Sean Murphy's been pining after Tim McManus for too damned long. Even so, the two of them hooking up for a blow job is about the worst idea possible.
Beecher/Murphy, with sidelines in Beecher/Keller and McManus/Murphy
Rated R for considerable amounts of fucking.
Wordcount this chapter: 2911
Total wordcount: 29 920
Oz and all its characters are the property of Tom Fontana and HBO. I make no profit, and intend as little infringement as I possibly can.
Sinking 10/10
by Dr Squidlove
In chapter 9, Sean was dodging Tim's calls. He checked in on Toby, and they managed some almost civilised small talk, and Sean walked away from temptation. But one earful of whining from Tim and Sean crumbled, straight back inside for some animal fucking.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Tim came into the break room and froze when he saw it was just the two of them.
Sean stood up, and Tim seemed to spread out to block the exit. "Sean, will you just..."
Sean sighed. Yeah. It had been a week. He sat down, and took another sip from his coffee. "Hey."
Tim slid into the other chair. "I'm sorry, all right? But I sorted things out with Beth." Of course he did. Women always forgave him in the end. "She's fine, and you're still pissed at me."
"I ain't pissed at you." He was resigned. He was tired. A little disgusted. But he had to stop being surprised that Tim was Tim.
"Sure seems like it. You haven't talked to me in a week."
"We talked this morning."
Tim threw up his hands. "We sorted rosters this morning. We didn't talk!"
What he meant was that he didn't talk about himself while Sean listened. But they'd been friends since they were kids, and that had to mean something. Sean drew breath to speak but Tim suddenly leaned in, attention zeroed on Sean's lips like some teenage wet dream.
"Did someone clock you in the mouth?"
"What?"
Tim reached for Sean's face and Sean jerked back. His mouth. He hadn't thought Toby's damage was still noticeable.
"I caught a stray elbow when we were shunting Kiernan off to the Hole yesterday." He fingered the bruise on his lip, pressed it to his teeth and his cock stirred. He was going to have to be careful showering here for the next couple of days, or he'd need an excuse for his skinned knees, too.
He'd been half-hard at the feel of his work pants chafing his knees as he watched Chris from the control levels, just as Toby expected.
Tim was looking at him strangely. He had to fix this. "You want to go for a beer tonight?"
A smile started, and stopped, and Tim's eyes slid sideways. "Tonight? Uh, I've got a date tonight."
Sean snorted. "Sure you do."
"She's not from Oz. I met her grocery shopping. We got to chatting over lettuce." Tim shuffled his feet. "She doesn't work here."
Sean tipped back the last of his coffee and stood up. "Maybe another day."
"I could break the date. Sean..."
"It's fine, Tim. We'll go some other night." He gave his mug a fast rinse and dumped it on the rack. Looked back to see Tim staring after him with sad eyes. It didn't move him like it used to. Sean'd be better off heading over to Toby's, to get his cock sucked.
Sean smiled, and Tim smiled back, and Sean headed back to Em City.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Sean was strolling back to the control desk when he heard him through the open pod door. "Hey, Officer Murphy."
He turned to look and stopped. Heaved a sigh and averted his eyes. "What is it?"
Keller was reclining in the bottom bunk, titty mag spread across his bare thighs, tugging his dick. "You seen Toby lately?"
Sean should have cracked a joke and left, shown Keller he couldn't be drawn into any kind of pissing contest - that's what sensible Sean would have done a couple of months back.
He didn't. He folded his arms and painted something like boredom on his face. "I stopped by. Beecher was sober." Beecher, he reminded himself. Beecher, not Toby. "He could probably use a job that doesn't make him feel like a lowlife, and he could definitely use a year or two of charm school."
Keller's hand slowed and he grunted. "How did he look?"
How many times had Toby sucked that cock? It was never gonna happen again. Sean was stuck between feeling bad for Keller and feeling smug. This was why he had to keep his distance. "How did he look?" Sean parrotted.
Keller wet his lips, slowed his hand. "How'd he look? What's his house like? Describe it for me." He closed his eyes.
"I ain't playing your games, Keller." Sean turned to go but before he'd gone two steps he heard the creak of Keller bouncing off the bed, and the sweep of sweatpants. He turned again before Keller could get too close to his back.
"I was just asking. You said you were gonna keep an eye on him for me."
"Well that's funny, 'cos I don't recall saying any such thing. What I do recall is saying I didn't want any part in it."
"Is Toby fucking around on me?"
Every hair on Sean's body stood on end. "What?" Panic had to be glowing in his face like a flare. "Cancel that, I don't care."
"I need to know if Toby's fucking around."
"And I need you to stop with the stalking. I don't know how you got it in your head that I'm your personal manservant, but as you can see, I already got a job, and this one's got benefits." Sean stood tall, knew it wasn't going to impress Keller but he needed to look like he had no idea what Keller was talking about. Had to show him good old by-the-book Officer Murphy and then get the hell out of here as fast as he could. "Now I'm done here. You want someone to babysit him, you'd better recruit some other sucker. I don't have any kind of hankering to be the next casualty in your death match love life."
Keller's eyes narrowed, and Sean wanted to swallow his tongue. He hadn't meant- Had he given it away?
"Has Toby been telling tales?"
"I don't know what you're talking about." All those dead inmates flipped through Sean's mind as he tried his best to look like just a dumb hack, didn't mean anything by that.
Keller's voice went soft, dangerous. "You afraid I might take you down, Officer Murphy?"
He let that one go unanswered. If Keller ever imagined where Sean's dick had been, Sean was a dead man.
Keller relaxed, like he'd flipped a switch. "As long as you do right by Toby, you're safe with me." He bared his teeth, and Sean didn't feel safe at all. "But it's not like Toby ever needed me to take care of a hack for him." Chris wandered away, and Sean felt the ground lift under him, staggered by how easily be believed it.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
He'd made it to the end of the shift and he was two corridors from grabbing his bag and getting the hell out of-
"Sean!"
No.
Against all his instincts, Sean forced his steps to slow. "Hey, Sister." He'd been avoiding her the last couple of weeks, but after that chat with Chris this afternoon he had to fight the urge to yell an excuse over his shoulder and run.
He'd dug back through the reports, and this time he'd looked at murdered COs. This time only one name had stood out: Karl Metzger. Sean's predecessor.
Pete caught up and now he had to hurry to stay with her. "How are you, Sean?"
"Doin' fine." Aside from the clawing in his gut and the white noise roaring in his ears. "How are you, Sister?"
There was hardly any paperwork in the file; it was like there hadn't been any kind of investigation at all. Sean remembered Tim mentioning that he was sure Metzger was in with the Nazis, that he'd shoved Busmalis down the stairs and helped break Toby's arms and legs, but none of that was in there. There wasn't enough in there to reopen the case. There were a couple of photos, though, and they'd turned Sean's iron stomach. Metzger's face and throat had been shredded with an unknown weapon. Looked like a goddamn cheese grater.
Toby had done that. Sean could see the guy swinging a shiv, but those photos... that was some fucked-up shit.
"Death and destruction, all the usual. I've been wanting to ask, how is that friend of yours doing?"
"That friend?"
She cut him a look like he was playing the fool, and it still took a moment to put it together. He'd talked to her about Toby. About trying to help Toby.
"You do remember your friend with the addiction problem?"
Sean's friend, who murdered a fellow CO. The friend of hers, that Sean had been casually, enthusiastically fucking up the ass. "He's doing all right."
"You've been looking out for him?"
A bitter laugh tickled the back of Sean's throat. "Doing what I can. He isn't exactly a fan of being helped."
"Oh, I know that type."
Sean would bet she did.
She reached out and squeezed his wrist. "You're one of the good ones, Sean. I don't know what we'd do without you around here."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Sean called in sick for his next shift, and went to Toby's.
Toby opened the door and looked Sean over. "If you're not here to fuck me like you did the other day, don't waste my time."
"Tell me what happened to Karl Metzger."
The door swung shut in Sean's face, but Sean got his foot in first, followed it with the rest of him and barged right on in.
Toby rounded on him, looking scary as hell. "Get the fuck out."
Sean wished he had his night stick. "I ain't goin' anywhere. Tell me about Metzger."
"He was a Nazi cunt and the whole prison had a fucking party when that piece of shit showed up dead."
"And you, Toby?"
"I baked the cake." He spat it right in Sean's face.
"That's not all you did."
Toby held his eyes for just a moment, no more than four inches between them, and then he threw back his head and laughed. "You think I had the balls to kill a guard?"
"Yeah, I do."
Toby headed for the kitchen. "Good for me."
"I know you beat up Schillinger pretty good, about a year before I came."
"I didn't win any prizes for sneakiness." There was a half-made sandwich on the counter. Toby picked up the butter knife, and waved it at him. "You think I could kill you?"
"Yeah. I do."
"Well, what do you know, Bitcher finally got himself a reputation."
"That ain't something a man should feel good about."
Toby put the knife down. He laid a couple of slices of ham on his sandwich, a piece of cheese on top. "Depends whether he's trying to hold his head up in a law office cocktail party or a prison wing, doesn't it?"
He hadn't denied it. Hadn't confirmed it, either. What had Sean expected, a sworn statement?
Toby looked Sean over. "You know what I want to know?"
"No, I don't know what you want to know." And he probably didn't want to know, either.
Toby's fingers slid over the buckle of his belt, tugged it and carefully slipped it open. "I want to know if thinking I might have done it turns you on."
"It doesn't."
Button popped and zip down. "You sure?"
Sean was sure of that, but this floor show did in spite of it. "Keller was jerking off in front of me today." It burst out of Sean like Confession.
Toby raised an eyebrow, looking amused at Sean's discomfort. "That's Chris. No one can beat him in the art of sexual manipulation."
"He taught you well enough."
"Did that beautiful cock give you a hard-on?"
"Keller don't do it for me."
"But I do." Toby dropped his pants to his knees. "Was he jerking off like this?" Toby grabbed his cock and played it out, nailing Keller's style pretty damned well. "Were you thinking about how your cock's been the same places his has?"
Sean was certifiable, because he couldn't help wishing for just one more of those blow jobs. "Did you kill Metzger?"
"No, Sean, I didn't murder Metzger." Toby took his hand off his cock to rub it through his hair. "Did Chris tell you I did?"
Not in so many words, so Sean let his eyes do the talking.
Toby huffed. "Look... For Chris, lying is like breathing. You can't trust anything he says. I don't, and he likes me a hell of a lot more than he likes you."
"This is the guy you say you love."
"I do love him." He declared it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "If I got any lessons out of Oz, it's that love isn't simple. You know our story. He protected me and broke my bones, I loved him and shanked him. He tried to break my parole and I-"
"He what?"
Toby gave a little shrug, like that was no big deal. "You can't trust anything he tells you."
"What the hell do you mean, he tried to break your parole?" Sean was shaking with indignation, but Toby didn't have any more to say. "And you still trust him?"
Toby hitched his pants back up. "I trust that he loves me. He doesn't always do the best job of showing it, but neither do I." He stared off beyond the kitchen window, thinking along paths he'd worn deep. It must have been a hard place, in Toby's brain. "Maybe if I'd had a childhood like his, I'd be a pathological liar too. But I was raised by parents who loved me and gave me everything I wanted, and I ended up in the same place as him. So what does that tell you about me?" Curious eyes turned on Sean, like Sean might have some kind of answer. It was another thread in the muddle of Toby Beecher. This was the man Sister Pete cared about.
"How did he try to break your parole?"
"He set me up. Asked me to pick up a package for him. Drugs."
"He tried to get you done for trafficking?" Sean's voice jumped an octave. Like Keller wasn't enough of a cartoon villain already, he had to go and screw the one lowly fuck in the world that gave a shit about him? Again? And Sean had sent Toby back straight back into his arms. That was the man Sean was trusting to keep Toby on the straight and narrow. And Christ, look at what he'd done already. "Did he tell me you killed Metzger to get you thrown back in Oz?"
Toby's shoulders lifted and dropped. "If he did, he failed."
"You think that makes it okay?"
Toby looked around the kitchen like he was trying to remember what he was doing there. "Maybe part of me wanted to go." He laid the top slice of bread on his sandwich and wrapped up the rest of the cheese, screwed the lid on the mustard.
Sean could believe that, but he couldn't believe that made it okay. "You don't care that he lies to you?"
A quiet snort. "I care. But I'm not in a position to judge, am I?" He stopped fiddling and faced Sean. "I always lied for a reason. To get in more drinking time, to get Gen off my back, to earn promotions. Do you lie, Sean?"
Sean took a minute to think, realised he was thinking about lying right now. "Sometimes."
"Not often though, right? Just when you have to. You're a rare breed."
"I'm no angel."
"No. But you're a good man, and maybe that's even harder to find."
Sean swallowed hard. He couldn't remember the last time someone said something that made that heat bloom in his chest.
Toby leaned in and touched his lips to Sean's, and lingered. Sean wrapped his arms around Toby and pulled him closer, kissed him deeply, told his brain to shut up; just feel it, be wanted, even if it was only Toby Beecher, even if it was only for a few more minutes.
Just a few, though. He pulled away. "You've put your life on hold for Keller. You know you're waiting around for something that ain't ever gonna come. He ain't ever coming home to you. There is no happy ending."
"I love him enough to live with that."
He really did. And that kind of life sounded like a fucking waste to Sean. "I'm leaving. I'm moving back upstate."
Toby's eyes widened. "You're serious?"
"I got a security job with the university up in Rochester."
"You're getting out of the prison system." It might have been the first time Sean ever managed to surprise Toby.
"I'm putting in my resignation tomorrow." It was all typed up and sitting on his kitchen counter. He hadn't figured out how to tell Tim.
He'd already told his Ma, just to be sure he couldn't back out. She'd been so happy she cried. First question she'd asked was if he could be open about who he was, working at that university. He'd promised he would, and she'd cried again.
Toby mulled it over another minute. "It isn't going to do Oz any good, you leaving it to the likes of Howell and Lopresti."
"Yeah, well. A guy's only got so much soul to give away." It seemed like there should be more to say. Sean looked around, picked up the pen lying on the classifieds and scrawled his number in the margin. "That's me. You need anything... or you need someone to tell you not to pick up a bottle... you can call." He didn't look up, not wanting to see scorn in Toby's eyes. He dropped the pen and took himself to the door.
-----
the end
I have enormous love for comments. So much love! Brief ones or long ones, vague or specific. I write 'cos I'm chatty, and I miss long fannish chatty discussions.
And I'm totally cool with you slipping quietly away. But - and I have more anxiety about saying this than I do about writing the story - please not that 'I was here but I can't think of anything that was good about your story,' button. That button makes me so sad.
Thanks for enjoying the Murphy-journey!
And thank you everyone who participated in our glorious Murphy Appreciation Month!
More Squidfic can be found at
The Lecherous Tentacles of Dr Squidlove
http://members.iinet.net.au/~tentacles/squidfic.html
